baby doll;;
im gonna {[bat.bat]} my [eyes]
until you get tangled
in the [glitter] of my eyelashes
this [diamond-heart] of yours
im gonna melt,
with this heat between the sheets.
lets make all this cohesive talk
fade into the [.H.o.ll.y.w.oo.d.] hills
[.["i want a lover i dont have to love, i want a boy whos so drunk he doesn't talk"].]
we'll [fuck] like [crazy]
baby ill rock you world
so hard you'll [never] wanna forget.
*slam...*
{b/f} "baby girl you [never] showed up to dinner, i didnt think you'd [for..
(gotten)]"
{girl} "uh-oh"
{boy} "what's going on, baby?"
{girl} (unlatches herself from boy)
"sugar cake..."
"don't [hate] me"
{b/f} [.["your lipstick, his collar, (*shakes head*) dont bother angel, i know exactly what goes on."].]
{b/f} *leaves*
{boy} "did i miss something?" *tries to hug girl*
{girl} [.[dont. "i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.].]
{boy} "let's sink farther into this
[poison]
baby"
&& that night was a revolution
we were two beating [ ♥ 's]
entangled
in one
and man do i love this .Boy.
Author notes
i had entered this in another contest but it turned out that i took too long to post it, but it is brand new i just posted it and i wanted to enter it into a contest.
♥
-alexsis
A contest entry
- Take me away by --Beautiful--.
685 points, ended March 19, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ Do You Bleed Glitter? ♥ by Dead Star--x.
450 points, ended March 22, 2007, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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ahh this is great. i love the way you write, its amazing
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thanks love.
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You know, you should give credit to the bands that you stole the song lyrics from.
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i didnt steal the song lyrics. If you notice every song part i used in this, is in quotations.
it was a contest poem and one of the options required you to use band lyrics that's the one i chose.
these are some good bands.
:]
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You know I love this. Your style is your own and I can’t possibly critique something so free. You always play with words, images, ideas, sounds...This type of writing is just so you. I love the end parts the most.
Oh Minx, what you do to me with your word art.
Loving it and loving you.
;
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you know you are my favoritest person on this site.
((always will be))
and you are my comment king!!they always make me feel like im an amazing writer, and to have someone of your poetry skill and level commenting my things is an honor for me.
love ya.
♥ ♥
[[alexsis]] -
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Awww. I do try to leave you good comments, but sometimes I get so wrapped in your words, that I babble...LOL. I'm glad you enjoy them though. I try.
You do have lots of skill. Your stuff is so unique.
I love you lots too!
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I make you babble??
why james;
that is the greatest thing you couldve said!!
well...
besides,
drop the panties.
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LOL. Drop the panties. You should add that to one of your brilliant poems, somewhere. Yes you do. I often come to your stuff and just kind of contemplate what I am going to say...Like the words stumble my brain. 
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hahhahaha
ill "put it in" somewhere.
hehe
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wow
that was....interesting
i like ur style of writing
the way, its a poem, but like, not...
it's totally cool
goo job
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heheheheh thanks darling,,
♥ ♥
[[alexsis]]
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those bright eyes song lyrics make cry.
the song relates to me.
this poem was filled with emotion and betrayal.
no glossed over bullshit;
great work.
[♥]
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I'm not gonna call it amazing, but the storyline is splendid.
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hehe well thanks.
♥ ♥
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i did.....i did ........i did!@!
i did njoyed readng it!!
liked ur way of narrating thngs!!
chk out mine if u want!!!
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this is really good!
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great job alexsis!!!!!!
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[.["i want a lover i dont have to love, i want a boy whos so drunk he doesn't talk"].]
PURE GENIUS! I love you!
xoxo,
Annie -
&& that night was a revolution
we were two beating [ ♥ 's]
entangled
in one
and man do i love this .Boy.
wow. this is amazing ! -
"baby doll;;
im gonna {[bat.bat]} my [eyes]
until you get tangled
in the [glitter] of my eyelashes
this [diamond-heart] of yours
im gonna melt,
with this heat between the sheets."
mmmm, hellz yes!
great job baby doll!
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hehe, i see so many song lyrics that i recongnised in this. loved the use of them though. i felt it had a lot of angst to it, and the rhythm was very fast. i don't know it was all very teenage feeling and intense, loved it.
<33 -
interesting. i liked the style and the kind of choppy way it rolled.
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. All of the extras i.e. [], {}, b/f-- really added to it! Good luck!
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we were two beating [ ♥ 's]
entangled
in one
and man do i love this .Boy.
that was my favorite line
i love how you wrote this
=] -
i seem to be running into this style a lot as of late.. not my favorite, to say the least.. a bit cliche, like i've said before.. but i like your overall piece.. nice work and good luck
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[.["i want a lover i dont have to love, i want a boy whos so drunk he doesn't talk"].]
that was my favorite line
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aww thanks sweetie.
♥
-alexsis
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xD Creative! Very entertaining little love triangle [web] you've spun for us... Yes.
Dialogue was cool.
Enjoyed these lines best:
" im gonna {[bat.bat]} my [eyes]
until you get tangled
in the [glitter] of my eyelashes"
Tangled in glittery eyelashes? My, my, what a totally brilliant mind you have.
-Allura -
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babe you make me blush and my mind loves the comments..and you!
♥
-alexsis -
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xD Love you too, babehdollll.
Bleh, my computer won't let me get on AIM. x_x
<2+1
-Allura
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well i like this a lot- the title expecially caught my eye andi love this dirty pretty poem like non other! the dialogue in the middle was different ive never seen it before but i liked it a lot. thanx for entering & good luck!
*Abused
*
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haha yeah everyone seems to like the dialogue cuz its way different than most dir.r.ty pretty poems
im glad you liked it.
sweetieface.
♥
-alexsis
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cute w/o the "e" (cut from the team)
you listen to some good music chick, & also this was a fantastic! write "i want a lover i dont have to love, i want a boy whos so drunk he doesn't talk"-this was a phenomenal line
*lys*
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In respond to your response [to --Beautiful--] haha
I guess I'm a &&dir.r.ty pretty doll because I fucking L-O-V-E your dir.rty pretty writes!
God darling.
We still need to catch up on all these plans we've made...I'm getting antsy
"im gonna {[bat.bat]} my [eyes]
until you get tangled
in the [glitter] of my eyelashes"
"[.[dont. "i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me.].]"
loveloveLOVE this.
&& I love you even more than that.
♥
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heh just tell me the time and place and i be there faster than you can blink..
baby;; ill take you to Neverland so fast you wont be able to think.
i love you too.
♥
-alexsis
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shower???
shower me in dirt.
and words like this.
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mmmh hmmmm.
haha thanks. dolly.
♥
-alexsis
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Wow...well that is dirty enough...gosh...i should go take a shower now i feel gross...
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mmmmh
oh well if it's not what you wanted DQ it. i mean your contest did say "pretty much anything" so i entered it.
heh you gotta be a &&dir.r.ty pretty doll to like dir.rty pretty writing.
thanks for the honest comment..
haha go take your shower
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