Whisper, sweet shadow, of times gone by;
Take my fears with whispered cry.
In hollows long shattered and valleys brought low
Dance with me forever: the river and doe.
From high on the hillocks, chance to reply
To Faefolk of legends and coastlines gone dry.
Follow my heartbeat through mountains grown old;
Come, my sweet shadow, let passions unfold.
Soon I must tarry from arms so entwined--
I am but mortal in body and mind.
Pray thee, sweet shadow, I cannot go on!
Time has gone forward and soon will be gone.
From hollows left shattered and mountains so tall,
All will come falling: by you they will fall!
Yet Time is a deamon you cannot lay low;
And I am his minion and so I must go.
In valley long ridden of powers you wield,
There to protect me, shadow--my shield.
You cannot forget me as time will go by;
Like many before me, your power's sapped dry.
Sweet shadow, I loved you, with each passing hour--
Your voice a sweet whisper in times long gone sour.
May time never take you from lands of your home;
Let chance be your wisdom as onwards you roam.
Author notes
I call the wind "Shadow" in this one. Mostly because it's followed the person speaking here. Original or not depends on your point of view, I suppose, but I certainly hope I hit that one.
Anyway, if you aren't too good at following this storyline, I'll break it down for you:
The writer is chasing the wind in the first part but then finds that the wind is chasing her. Then they race next to each other as if they were one until the writer becomes weary (because she's getting old). When she slows until she's dieing in her tracks where she tries to comfort the wind before finally succumbing and ending her whispers of love to the wind.
Basically...yeah, it's out there. *shrug* Please don't be mean.
A contest entry
- I Summon The Wind by Touchof1der.
650 points, ended February 26, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Nice
I can see the storyline here. Sort of sad that the writer couldn't continue on with the shadow spoken of here. I don't know if I would have akin Shadow to Wind, but your note above certainly assisted in that one. Oh, and I hope you do okay in the contest!
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I had no problem following your train of thought here. You did a beautiful job of bringing your point out and relaying the message in a clear and very imaginated way.
Thank you for taking the time and effort to enter my contest. Good luck!
♥ Touchof1der
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I like time themes
Back in the fifties there was a song sung by Gogie Grant called "The Wayward Wind" it gave life to the wind. I always liked the idea. Please try to expand where you can. In order to shed more light on the ideas you are trying to portray. One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was that just because I know what I'm thinking, doesn't mean anyone else does.
. Rewarded 4
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This is very nice
Amazing imagery here. I like the storyline a lot. I know I never would have thought of it! It's wonderful that you used your imagination like that. -
I think its very original, I certainly would have never thought of that. I love the imagery and indirect storytelling. I also love the voice of the poem, it's sort of magical and musical. Lovely poem.
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I like the choice of vocabulary in this one, it really brings your description to life. Still, I find the rhyme scheme rather simplistic (although this may be because I have sworn off rhyming forever). This is an excellent write in any case. Keep it up.
Chris -
the flow and rhyming, and the rhythm is just fantastic.... I love these line.... "From hollows left shattered and mountains so tall, All will come falling: by you they will fall! Yet Time is a deamon you cannot lay low; And I am his minion and so I must go. In valley long ridden of powers you wield, There to protect me, shadow--my shield.".......... the wording is wonderful, great story and very clever.. well done!!
. Rewarded 4
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this was so beautiful. lovely actually. good job
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Awww, sis, it's very lovely in a sad sort of way. I always liked how you weave such tales in poetry like this. I think it's original. It reminds me of the Irish in the 1600's. Just how it was worded and such.
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this story is amazing...i really enjoyed the whole thing. i find it sad yet comforting at the same time. beautifully written and well done. -Sable
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