Arms arced and urned,
he cupped the setting sun.
Sea backed throne, froth robed,
Odysseus strode ashore,
wings spread. the welcome
crescent of his smile,
caught the edge of her heart.
She soared, feet crescendoed as they danced
pouring down dunes --
felt soul’s rain, heart’s laughter --
tangled her fingers.
Her skin needed his touch.
Sand had once been desert rippled heat,
sea was a rocking sad empty forever.
Now, the blushing clouds, rayed sun
rolled forth a carpet for his homecoming --
the sea, euphoric, raised its hands in a riot of joy.
Once, her lips thin on life's flat tastes,
She was filled with the taste of his lips.
5:05 PM
02/19/07
Alexandria, VA
In a list
- Silence • next in list
- Hands on the heart • next in list
- If I had done as I was told, look at what I would have missed • next in list
A contest entry
- ~Contrast~ for members of The Inkwell by -Ink Artist-.
525 points, ended March 12, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I see you are on-line at present because the "invite to chat" appears once the comment is posted. Please do not respond to my comment at this time. I like the idea of blind judging. Please wait until the judging process is complete. Thank You!
Renee
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I am unfamiliar with the word "unrned" used in you first line. I could see the "arched" but I don't know what "urned" is. That threw me. The rest of the poem is stunning. The imagery stellar. The passion all intertwined, leaving the reader barley breathless. Exquisite! When you get a chance let me know what that word means Thank you for entering this beautiful poem into my challenge. Maybe you mean "burned" since you are romantically speaking of the sand, and water. I wish you the best! Because I believe that is a simple typo, and the word "burned" heightened the imagery of that first sentence. I will give you th benefit of the doubt because the poem is so beautiful. YOU are a contender!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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wow...what contrasting sides spun to make a beautiful write...ahhh...love coming back and unexpected...what a tender write and abit mythological in it for you have provided caustic imagery as well as the tnderest, sweetest of all emotions....Extreme! Manificent! Good luck!
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Congrats on the gold...although, everything you write is touched with gold, my love. I miss you and I will be by soon. It's so crazy lately...agghhh...Anyway, you seem to have found a beautiful place from where to write, and to share this with you is better than a trophy. Love, Laney
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"the welcome
crescent of his smile,
caught the edge of her heart."
Ahhh, Poet...This is a brilliant penning, my Friend...One of my newest favorites of yours...Gorgeous metaphor, language, scope, depth & meaning...I can easily see why Lori gave you the gold for this one...Beautifully penned, Tom...
Wanda
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Fantastic! Creative contrast and sheer brilliance! A few phrases in particular struck a chord with me - froth robed, crescent of his smile, pouring down dunes - all truly poetic imagery. You built this story through divine distinction. The ending was sublime! Your work is profound and easily recognized, even with this silly anonymous feature. Gorgeous! Thank you for this entry!
~Lori
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Ah, 'tis the voice, sotto vocce or at full roar, I have learned that I am always recognized. This one was fun. I rarely, if never, use classical allusions. The feel prententious on my part. But, this time it so perfectly fit the image and mood I wanted to create, I took a chance. There are moments within our lives, all our lives, where we are given a chance to recognize and experience our joys. The moment of a loved ones return after long separation provides such a moment. Forget your fears and reach with your heart for all the wonder available in this moment. No matter what outcome is found, the moment will have spread its magical wings and shifted the reality.
Love Tom B.
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I think using Odysseus for this contest was brilliant. His whole story alone is huge contrasting emotions, and the stir of natural and unnatural events disturbing him from getting home, to what he really wants. I think that alone stands out.
The stanza "she....touch" is my favorite, I think without those lines, this wouldn't be the same. And as always your ending is stunning, simple, but stunning..
Wow, I can't get over the 'pouring down dunes' part- That was definitely a stroke of genius, which you have so much of. XD
Good luck
-S
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I wanted to find a way to emphasise the wait. The joy of the return. It all dropped into place when I thought of Odysseus.
I don't often use classical references but this seemed to be appropriate and something that we all could relate to. The rest was poetic license. Fulfilment of need must equal something to make the need great and perhaps the hardest thing was creating a sense of joy without talking about it. The stanza you loved was my attempt at this. I had fun doing it, which is, perhaps, the most important part. Thanks for this full review. Love, Tom B.
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i love it, but i think this seals my fate- you win.
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This is quite cryptic
I am not sure what you mean but that is quite fine with me. I trust that in time you will let me know. I am sure of is that you are delighted with this poem. I delighted in my hero's homecoming and hope that this is as great a delight as my love would have should she have to wait before she returns to mine. Life is for the living and love creates an opportunity for that life to be full of joy.
Love, Tom B.
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~sigh~ you and your sensual baloney.... its pretty. yeah, JUST PRETTY.
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Separation creates the contrast of coming together. Moments of joy in the face of the end of sorrow. Hopes met. Yeah, it is just pretty. it will never stop being . . . Love, Tom B.
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Gorgeous.
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Layered with emotions but in a nice smooth pursuit. Excellent write, beautiful in both imagery and flow as I read. Good luck in the contest
~Tia
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Tom,
Now this piece is absolutely moving. It is captivating to see just how that soul of yours flows. There is a beauty captured here, somewhere between the setting sun and the rocking sad empty forever. This poem has stroked my heart... most of your words are always swimming within my heart, but this...oooo this swims much deeper.
I love it! It certainly is gold deserving!
Mel
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An absolutely beautiful write, it was a pleasure to read, I did notice in this line (tangle your fingers as as your skin) has two (as). Funny how we do that, read it several times and still miss it. Great job my friend...GETS
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First to enter - brave soul, now all will follow and wonder if they can match this entry. Do you mean your lips? I have a tough time with you and your too - typing so quckly just don't press hard enough on the r key.
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Melodically sensual.
Reads like a tale from the hieghts of Greek legends, yet calls out with intense intimacy.
Flows well and forms visuals that run each into another, landscape and the people involved in this meld into each other, he into the sea,she into the shore,and their union is as would be at that mark,sea/shore....tidally dramatic.
just comments..
alan.
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a themed write here but
Odysseus and Penelope are there in the spirit of this piece... the contrasts in air sea clouds sun are vivid and blend in well with the telling of an experience of joy...i like this a lot
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Beautiful !!
My favorite part..
Now, the blushing clouds, rayed sun
rolled forth a carpet for his homecoming --
the sea, a joyous raising of hands in a riot of joy.
I wish you all the luck in the contest.
Hugs Gloria -
When love is returned after what seems like eons of absence, we are like a wilted flower after a soaking rain...we s t r e t c h our arms toward heaven and embrace the sun.....Loved this piece of you, my friend. left a lasting impression on me....smiles, Terry
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beautiful!
Such a lovely write filled with passion and soft romance...
Love this one!
Bokmarking to read again and again
Lynda♥
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When love returns to anyone it is a joyous occasion but maybe when it comes back unexpectedly it's even nicer. Love, C
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I don't know what to say...you've
taken the most beautiful thoughts
and put them in poetic form to warm
our hearts. I love this. Lane
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Wonderfully and beautifully done, my friend! So very well written! Wish you all the best in the contest!
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"wings spred, the welcomed cresent of his smile, lifting your heart on the swirl of gull's wings""Felling your fingers as your skin shouted to be filled with his touch" These lines are so beautiful.! I truely enjoyed this poem a great deal brother. As always , your talent moves me.
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