Did she come
to me
or was it her
spike,
was it the
meadow
of antarctic ice
that bled
this coil,
that thawed
my arm.
David Blizzard,
rip my thumb
axe the wrist
and flay
my hand.
Feed the dogs.
Lash them home.
Rob the meadow
of your bones.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Interesting. I loved the flow, and I think the last stanza was entirely captivating. Write on!
~*~SP~*~ -
I love the title and how you related it to the whole poem. The last stanza is a little awkward, but it is still a very good write
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Great job!
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very nice language use.
I love how you finished it too.
Great all of the way through.
Great job!
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i love it...makes me want to keep reading...not alot of poems do that...idunnno it seems like life just flashing..its cool
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Wow, this was a poem of inspiration. This is brilliant and I enjoyed reading every part of this poem. It was really entertaining in the beginning, but had such a seriousness about it.
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Thanks for your comment on frostbite.
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This is super coolies!!! :]
♥--T.R;
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Thnaks for your comment on Frostbite.
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This was great! I loved the word choice you used throughout; and the way you began this was absolutly amazing! The title you used-worked very well for the piece, I liked that you kept it simple which was the most effective! Great job on this piece, it was amazing!
Amanda -
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Thanks for your comment on frostbite, Amanda.
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Awesome
You tale sounded like a riding on a dog sled ride in the bitter cold winter. I love the words you used to decribe the details. (Lisa)
"David Blizzard,
rip my thumb
axe the wrist
that flayed
my hand."
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ooh! you've done well! now i'm not stuck anymore! woo! lovely edit you've done, yay!!!
Feed the dogs.
Lash them home.
Rob the meadow
of your bones.
how evil, hehe and it rhymes! -
i love the first paragraph although i got stuck at the second. but then again, this is greatly done. simple yet lovely
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this is really great. love how you used rime as meaning ice, but can be actually taken as rhyme as well. nice.
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Hmm. . . .
This has some very interesting ideas in it, but even after reading it through a few times, it didn't make much sense to me. It's a little too choppy for me, and at parts the words you have placed in don't make very much sense to convey images or an idea of the poem the way I see it. The title and first eight lines intrigued me, but after that I grew very confused, not understanding what the poem was about anymore. I do like the first half of the poem however, especially the way it starts, and although I can mostly understand or at least visualize my own ideas for everything in this poem, the last few lines kind of completely lost me. For the first part I pictured an ice storm, maybe a lover or an elemental lost in it or a part of it. For the middle, I pictured clay, "this coil, that pawn in my hand" made me think of creating a sculpture out of clay. Going with the title, the last part just made me think of frozen pie. Sorry if this critique is kind of rambling, I like this poem, I'm just not quite sure at parts what the whole idea of the poem is.
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