I blew out the moon;
for a moment
I heard a daffodil lament
lingering through
synthetic sighs.
I glanced at the garden;
and only the flowers
were flickering
in these small hours.
Author notes
Daffodils are already blooming in my garden.
Metaphoric snippet related to nature and society.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
-
very beautiful
-
Ya know you just inspired me. Now I know exactly what type of poetry you want in your Picture Contests you hold. I like this a lot
-
Lee you never cease to amae me with your words.
The way you spin them is like none other.
I can't even begin to put into words how they
make me feel each time I read something of yours.
I can only sigh at the beauty they hold.
Thank you for entering.
Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
-
Very unique and creative
I thoroughly enjoyed this write as it's different and different in a special way
Thank you for sharing this! All the best to you! -
I loved this. It's kinda quirky and out there, but very simple and beautiful, too. Great job... this is something you can read and re-read and find a different meaning each time.
-
The title reminds me of The Cranberries song, off their 1994 (?) album. I think that's one of their best songs. This just reminded me of that song (well, the title).
A lovely poem that you have written here.
-
Yes, I love this poem You thought you heard something but it was only of flowers flickering I love this I want to bookmak this
-
In all honesty, when you read through so many unknown writer's poetry, you have to wade through a lot of posh. Every now and then, you find some that make you smile in gratitude to the author for giving a truly good poem... and then you come across a peice that reminds you why you bother reading everyone else's - that makes it all worthwhile. For me, this is one of those exceptional ones. Through and through, this is simply brilliant!
-
-
Thank you very much for your comment
-
-
I am going to echo, in the most part, the comments of those who have come before me, esspecially that of -ButterflyCuts-. This piece begins and ends in a very strong fashion and undermined, perhaps, only by the somewhat ambiguous reference to "synthetic sighs." (On a personal note, just because I didn't get it does not, of course, make it bad.)
This effort definitely contains the qualities we are looking for in this contest, to wit, strong and expressive speech that uses langauge to make a powerful and persuasive statement. The author's notes helped to un-confound the audience by giving us a camera-lens view of your purpose; I could not say that the piece would be as appreciatable without them.
Thank you for this intrepid entry.
~Das -
'i blew out the moon'
wow. what a line.
I like daffodils in poems at the moment- i read a very good poem about them in english, inspired by the really famous daffodil one, by... erm. . . blake? i can't remember.
But yes, wow.. this piece is really stunning. Blowing out the moon so only the flowers are flickering, it' slike the process of writing.. shaping the scene.
-
Love the image of wasjing out the sky to banishing the star and bring me back to earth where my turest peace live close to ground...beautiful
-
Wow! This is a brilliant pice! You have managed to convey so much thought and emotions by using so few words, it is incredible. I miss reading your work...I will attempt to come online more often now that I have finished my book and keep myself updated with your writing. Once again, and exceptional and beautiful poem.
~Harri -
-
I think this has a lovely spring feel to it... you've worked hard on this
well done and many thanks for entering
Good luck too
G.x -
After all that comments between you and my co-judge, I can only say that I count 9 lines - so this is definately within the rules (10 lines and less)! I so loved the first line (and not just because I wrote a moon poem myself yesterday)! A very lovely poem indeed and I got that Japanese feel I was looking for from the 2nd part of the poem especially. Japanese poetry so often refers to flowers and seasons - and the moon - so you did very well here. The word "synthetic" did not feel right here as the image of moon and flowers is a soft one... but that is just my personal preference. Overall a very lovely poem and strong entry, complimented by the lay-out and line breaks.
Thank you so much for your support of this contest and good luck!
~ Nicolette ;f -
What gorgeous imagery you have created in this poetic garden of yours...stunning...great job!
-
You are the KING of metaphors, my friend! Loved this piece. Beautiful in meaning and delightful in imagery. Lovely assonance and alliteration. It is so precious when a poet sees something around him like you have and then puts it down on paper. Even the gods in the flowers must be smiling upon you today.
All the best,
Charishma
-
delightful read
a visual treat and a feast for the thirsting heart!
-
Aww, this was so sweet and precious. I loved the feeling it gave me inside. The best of luck to you in the contest.
Kari -
Sweet! and powerpuff girls rule!
-
some lovely Imagery, a sadness and one is brought into the scene, Leander...Quite a wonderfully full piece, a lovely 'metaphoric snippet' as you have called it
Applause and Best of Luck to you in the contest!
Take Care and thanks for this,
m.
-
Ahhh...
The words you used in this one are so beautiful, dear leander! I love the: "I heard a daffodil lament" part. It's very original and something I think only you could think of. Oh yeah, I love your opening mind. It's brilliant!!
*R
-
-
OOh, I meant line! "I love your opening LINE!"
okay, okay, and your mind.
*R
-
-
Already thought something like that
-
-
well, ya never know. thought maybe you'd get all big headed if i called your mind "brilliant."
*R
-
-
-
-
Metaphoric
Is right. I love metaphors and you've done a fine job of making one. Then again you are the magnificant Leander I am talking about. lol Why wouldn't you do a fine job. Kahy
-
I could just read your poetry over..and over..and over..and NEVER get sick of it. It's so orginal and so fresh. Also It's beautiful. I can't say enough, YOU'RE AMAZING at what you do.
Tori -
Rules or not, I think this is a lovely piece, delicate as fine porcelain. Good luck.
Bill
-
-
Thank you very much
-
-
read the rules....
hint hint hint
-
-
ooh, wait a minute...
I have more than 31 syllables - but I thought that was only for the real tanka's and not the snippets
-
I read them and don't see where I'm wrong
Or are you pointing to the two lines I didn't allign left completely?
lol
-
-
ten lines..... max....
okay......... back to the think tank... and remember remember... don't rush to post...
then you'll remember the rules -
-
oh... didn't realize the empty lines counted as lines as well
I only counted where I wrote
so 9 lol...
hmm... thinks
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 35 of 35
