Shall I give my heart,
away to another,
or shall I keep it apart,
from any other.
Will it do me any good,
will it find me true love after all,
if only i fully understood,
how much lower could I fall?
Is there a guy who,
i would like to be with for awhile,
yes we're great friends too,
and i'd go the extra mile.
I'm not desperate,
no matter what my friends say,
i've been alone, thats it,
i'd rather be with a guy anyday.
There is not too much,
I can do about it,
i wish i could get my way in such,
a drama that i have always dreaded.
For now, we talk, joke,
and into each others eyes we stare,
and hopefully after something, he'll be provoked,
but right now, i'll mask my care.
Author notes
ummm...ya......
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow Kenzie, i'm sorry, i didn't know you were so hesitant about this whole thing....but I knew you dreaded the drama...and thats what you got, and it sucks, I wish i could do something for ya, but i'm always here....
This piece, is filled with sooooo much emotion, every word comes straight from your heart, and thats truely what makes a good piece.
Like i've been saying, your flow and your rhyming keep getting better, and i think you write even better when you are truely feeling what you are writting, whether its pain, happiness, sadness, anger, worry, confusion...if you feel it...you can write it...thats a gift, great work!
~Ky~
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Kenzie,
You asked me if this piece was so hard to comment on and my answer is YES! just because it's that good. This piece entwined with perfect structure, word flow, and your inspiration, make this a great read and a hard piece to comment on. I can fell the emotions as I type this comment and your thoughts ran very smoothly, unlike a couple of pieces where your words jumble the idea or the flow.
I think you should give your heart to him and see what happens. You'll never know what it is until you try, and you never know, you might be surprised.
My favorite stanza:
"Shall I give my heart,
away to another,
or shall I keep it apart,
from any other."
That first stanza sucked me into reading more. Just be careful on how you phrase things, because your first stanza kind of outshines the rest of the poem I think. It's a great piece regardless, but read it and see if you can word just a few tiny things differently. Great work, I can see that you're growing as a poet!
- Cait -
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