thinking about different issues that been
my mind for too long a time to keep me
with shrewed attitudes and making for
most of it keeping me close to ground with ear
down til I near drown almost submerged
in all the info plying my journalism trade
til i've made a complete fool of myself
engrossed in others' opinions but I'm no tool
can't stand how grand people cast their egos
to the court to stand defient to the last
yet they too will fall if they have the gall
to speak against issues so clear to fear
and bring a tear to the protester's slogan cry
so desperately they try to defy amongst all lies
as the long beach dub allstars say "troubles be
coming in all shapes and sizes, but the going get tough
the tough get a hustling so bring the love back to me"
when everyone busy turning blind eye to suicide
sweet to decide to social genocide with morally
ethical sin of the world falling in on our heads
ain't hearing democracy of the dead said
by GK Chesterton, weren't about just
past generation's wisdom but freedom be
to think past all hypocracy
those in charge can't win the game
so fight the fight and never be 'fraid
to holla at injustice to give a shout
passin' the mic coz i gotta peace out
Author notes
just tried out the free-stylin' after reading the editorial page in the newspaper, internal rhyme was going way too hardcore overtime. who knows. what you think? thanks for reading
whether the internal rhyming works
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Pretty good flow, aspiring, thought provoking. I like it.
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this is so great and gracful poem.
I you feel about this to.
well good job:k
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keep on going ,the beat is great
I feel the drum beat and find the hip movement in your timing. Hey, what you say is important! This is not a chant, I like your freedom to explore. A well done thought provokes us readers who long for soulful food. Thanks for keeping me up on along night that remembers their is a tomorrow, a time to retry redo and think all a new. Annie {I should really go read on my own page} I will read again soon where I may give thanks. -
Gorgous Beautiful
Lovely poem. I am so glad you are a writer.
great job:m*smile*
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thanks
awww glad you & yer mom likes it
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god you are better than me and im not trying to be funny i suck at doing poetry. lol
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bullocks. how do you do poetry? i tend to write it one word at a time. i've been working at it for ten years and it comes with practice
keep going
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Thats killer
Wow...that is amazing...I love to hear protest cries that have such a meaning, that arent just copying someone else, ya know? Very original but not overbearing. Great work
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yup
yes but can i tweek? can we do a writing workshop? how come you never take my editing class and you're one of my columnists?
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eeeek
hiya dearie. definately tweek if you like. wanna know the funny thing? i copy edited some of most editions of the papers coming onto the racks at my school this year quite well thanks! just lately i've had overload heheh. ohwell. i was going for content here
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Ahh, Phil. I guess it doesn't matter how many times I beat you brutally about the head and shoulders. You have some deep-seated aversion to using spellcheck. Sheesh! I give up! I guess I'll have to just choke down my obsessive compulsiveness and get over it.
I appreciated the message you convey here on society's habit of turning the blind eye. You need to edit this luvvy. A modicum of punctuation would do this worlds of good. Also check for the correct word form and for the invisible words. The ones you read that aren't there, but your mind sees them 'cuz you wrote it.
Keep on writing!
jill
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*snort* what's spellcheck? did i mis-spell a word wrong again? last time i leave a second draft out for your meatball surgery
i'm just trying to melt writers' block at the moment, the rest i'll fix soon enough. other than the syntax comedy of errors, what did you likes? thanks for the reprimand though hehe
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Hmm. While I do like the definite rhythm in this, Phil, it seems a little strained in some spots. Maybe it's just me, but with a little more polishing and maybe a few more punctuation marks to help it along, this piece could flow effortlessly.
I do like the message in this, though. Well done.
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heheh punctuation is still my nemisis. yah i looked back and grimiced, but i wrote it over breakfast so what can i say about the strain, i can pretend to drop good hiphop internal rhyming just for a challenge. just for you i'll put in some punctuation
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You don't need to punctuate on my account, silly. Was just a suggestion, that's all.
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These are certainly deep thoughts you have here, Phil. Reading the paper and listening to news are something I try to stay away from these days. I'm usually pretty happy, but after the news, I can get negative really fast!
I enjoyed reading this very much, especially how we are turning blind eyes to particularly dangerous problems such as suicide. You are so correct.
Great job, on this, my dear son. Hugs, Mom
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too kind. i keep away from the newspaper somedays as well. hmmm i got a question for you in the suicide and social genocide, that was a deep theme for first thing in the morning, but how do i make it more metaphor and less literal???
thanks for the encouragement, i realize i gotta publish more of my thoughts passing by unread by all but Him above.
huge back. read the funny papers last like i do and turn that frown upside down
gooday
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