As the sun was rising,
The gulls are cawing through the peaceful silence.
The sea glittered with the light reflecting off of it.
The mountains loomed above almost touching the sky.
Waves were lapping the beach and
A girl was lying in the sand.
She didn't move, she didn't breathe.
She had drowned in the cover of the night.
Her boat lay a hundred yards away.
It had capsized in the waves.
Somewhere out there,
Maybe far away from land,
A bottle is floating with a ring and a note,
Proclaiming her love for her husband.
Author notes
Picture is by Chris Crumley
Well, this is must be a coincidence, but I was looking for a book to read recently and came across a book called, "A Message in a Bottle" by Nicholas Sparks. It kinda was like my poem and it was sooo strange.
A contest entry
- Calling all Poets for Poetry by Dark Whispers.
375 points, ended March 26, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What does it mean to be ALONE? by WhenWillsCollide.
575 points, ended May 30, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Such imagery
very well written.
I loved the story line.
You ended this one so beautifully.
Normally I prefer rhyming poetry but
this one just rolled across the screen.
Good luck in this contest.
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Awww... thats sad.
when I read the notes, I saw "mesasge in a bottle" and flipped cause I love that song! (Im only 14, a bit queer?)
anyway, I really enjoyed this short and sweet poem. It got right to the point, and was still full of emotion (rare)
I liked the set up of hte poem too. most people dnt do it this way, and I say power to you for being differnet.
excellent write -
WOW, THAT IS SO SAD AND TRAGIC. I NEVER DREAMED AS I WAS READING THAT YOU WERE HEADING IN THAT DIRECTION. WELL DONE.
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This was simple but so very profound. When we look at a scene in the static, the concrete, we never think of the threads that spin their way, affecting other people at other times, changing other lives, other situations.
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Very sad love story! Very well written
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i must admit i did not expect the twist at the end... it worked very well. you've put down the basics for a very good poem. should you want to edit it a bit (change line breaks and dropping useless words) you'd have a real gem here
the suggestions are simply my own opinion and not meant to offend
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Oh my Gosh!!! That was so sad!!!
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Yea...It really is and I was so bored in health class when I wrote it.
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This is so sad. A tragic love story at its best. Well done dear poet.
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