Beautiful aroma,
tasting of dead spirits,
lingers in atmosphere.
Broken homes, deadened hearts,
and longing for answers
unite the gang of tears
that refuse to face life.
Throwing it to the fire,
they bond through rituals
of the ancient demons.
Secretly to themselves,
they wish upon a star
that had already died
but still radiates life.
A contest entry
- Do You Deserve To Be In My Favorites? by Random Lily.
300 points, ended February 25, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
There are so many ideas here. All very sad.
Quietly, they call forth the forsaken embers of hope. LRBaum
The heady scent of roses,redolent with death.LRBaum
From a dreadful need to know, comes a tearful query
addy, do you love me? LRBaum
Sudden fall the teardrops, springing to life.LRBaum
Hoping against hope, they fanned to life the last dying embers of a fire, long thought dead.LRBaum
Please excuse me, these things came from your poem, I needed to write them.
It is dark and cold but not very mysterious, I think.
It is the cry of a little girl for her Father's love. Lost from a home which can never be mended.
If not then please excuse me.
The poem fairly screams with pain. It has made me cry. But I am an admitted crybaby.
-
poignant and heart rendering this piece, such a telling tale of societal pain felt by so many. this is wonderfully written with strong and truthful subject matter, stellar in its execution and
a quite a joy top read, thank you -
I like this, you don't expected to turn dark with such a lovely first line, and a nice title.. but then it turns, like lots of beautiufl things in life i suppose.. the structure and wording makes the message in this poem powerful... well written!!
. Rewarded 4
-
Wow
Dark and mysterious, kind of gave me the hebe-jebe's.
Sounds like something you'd read around a camp fire, or on halloween. Was rather drawn to the line, "broken homes, deadened hearts." Good write.
. Rewarded 4
-
I have been thinking for a bit before I placed my comment just lingering within the words of your lines...listening to my thoughts .... i like the way the title and opening introduction for me anyway were tied all back together with the ending ... the essence of an aroma permiates the surrounds as your lines directed ... there are many layers to your words and some deep thinking. I do like the way you allow the reader to indulge in their own thoughts Nicely penned a pleasure ...good luck
. Rewarded 4
-
beatiful poem. Good pace and lovely images. Not all of them pretty. Subtely powerful. Well done a very good poem i thin
-
its very different but i liek different
-
wow, this is extremely cryptic, but amazing. You are ooozing with talent, and this reads like it should be out of a much larger work. I wonder if you write short stories? You should. This is really eeerie, and sad, and just brings out really deep emotions.
-
This is very good, with some great images within your poem. The ending is great:
Secretly to themselves,
they wish upon a star
that had already died
but still radiates life.
That makes you think, about the stars that we see, and brings layers of meaning to your poem.
I wis you good luck in the contest!
. Rewarded 4
-
The style and imagery you use in this poem are very interesting. I like it a lot. Good job and good luck in the contest!
-
I did think this was quite unusual and very creative.
It painted a pungent and quite vivid image.
Impressive. Well done. -
This poem is clever and creative. Your poem paints a picture that allows the scene to come alive in my head. Well done dear poet.
Good luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
-
Wow. So many meanings within this write. Well done. Keep them coming and blessed be.
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
