This fetid world is nothing new
Let down by the hated few
Mind controlled in Church pew
Every day the same as the last
We've learned nothing from the past
Brace for the seismic blast
You live your life in solitude
Content by the contrite and crude
Time for a warring interlude
You want a release from the dull
Contract on your life is void and null
Life is a dreary, dreamy lull
Ask not for whom the bells tolls
Your philosophy is full of holes
Time for devastation of desolate knolls
Time slows in the face of war
On wings of fire, missiles soar
Set the stage with lively gore
Interrupt your daily routine
With news of warring pristine
Wipe away debris so the world is clean
I come alive away from doldrum home
Let the water lick my face with sea-foam
And let war take me wherever I should roam
M16's, grenades, and flame
Setting me forever in fame
With the enemy to blame
Seething, grating teeth at home again
I can't live without war, though it's a sin
Takes me away from the place I cannot win
A contest entry
- The perfect poem by xandercheerios.
800 points, ended March 3, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
hm.....
i do not like the line "mind controlled in church pew" but still you express this poem greatly, nice rhymes -
All in all it's got a good subject, with lots of imagery. The rhymes are nice, all perfect rhymes, but your flow and consistant rhythm is not all there. You also haven't used any punctuation at the ends of lines, which makes me assume the entire poem is one sentence. I hope there's something you are willing to do to increase my interest in the poem! Because the content really is nice!
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