Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Extra Pale

I know you didnt mean it when you left,
and I'm sorry I didnt make it on Saturday.
Your father called me again,
said 'Kayla's extra white today.'
Although you swear that nothing's wrong,
I was terrified to see you
terrified of what I might find in you
I never wanted to see you fade away.
You're like the obsession that takes over my life.
Your father called me again,
said 'Kayla's extra pale today.'
it wasnt supposed to end like this
You weren't supposed to fade away,
fade into the light I was not meant to see.
Light I can't follow you to, not just yet.
Like the sun I expect you to come back...
two years,
    eight months,
        three days...
and you are still not here.
Your father called today,
said 'Kayla's not around.
She didn't want you to be like this,
she never wanted to see you cry.'
I know you didn't mean it when you left,
I understand you didn't have this planned.
Just always know that what I promised you,
I promised you forever, and I mean it for forever 

Author notes

this is about my best friend kayla
she died of leukemia on 3 13 04
she was pretty much my soul
and i wrote this in novemberish...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 28 of 28
  • star wars fanatic
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    *sniffles*

    I'm really sorry about your loss and I can't say I know how you feel, but I do send my condolences. Nice poem with a great effect. Thanks for entering my contest.


  • Avendesora Dreamer
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh...I don't really know what to say....my first reaction is to offer my sympathy, but why would you want such from me who has not lost a friend like that and could not possibly understand?.....in other words, you have made me feel, thank you for the entry


  • DistilledMoonlight
    March 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    its amazing.... oh My god


  • Dorcha Runda
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    omg i am so sorry this happened to you. i feel your pain so well in this poem. thanks for entering and good luck.

  • vasi
    March 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a deep write filled with somewhat of a mystery before the note and I really enjoyed reading this poem. Message me if you want your score. Make sure to include the name of your poem. Thanks for entering.


  • honey bear
    March 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very deep and personal write and filled with sadness,
    a little confusing in places as you use no speach marks to represent the other person talking.
    Your father called today,
    said "Kayla's not around.
    She didn't want you to be like this,
    she never wanted to see you cry."
    I know you didn't mean it when you left

    good luck in the contest with this very personal write


  • unanswered
    March 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great job. Your true emotion pours out of this. It is truely touching good luck in the contest.


  • wolfcub
    March 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Birlliantly captures the emotions, and even more beautifully shows them to the reader! Very sad, and something I can relate to.
    Thankyou for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • Grey Mouser
    March 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very heartrenching sorrow permeates the wonderfully meaningful write. Hearing the father call and say she is extra pale throughout the write just adds so much tragedy to this story.
    Am so sorry for your loss. Am sure it was a difficult thing to write on. But you did a fine job on it.
    Thank you for entering into the contest.
    Be well and be blessed,
    Mouser


  • Ontarah
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem does a great job capturing the pain and emotion of this situation. I feel for your loss and feel you have let me feel some small portion of your pain with such a well written poem. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • EnsnaredMind222
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is amazinglyn beautiful. I love the way you wrote it, very suttle but so emotional. Good luck


  • tawk gold member
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I could feel all the love that you have for this person. I am so sorry for your loss. But she is smiling down from heaven as she reads your write. Good luck in my contest


  • torieshawesum
    February 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awww that makes me wanna cry.... srry about that


  • tawk gold member
    February 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad poem so full of emotion and love for your friend. Good luck in my contest


  • Shadow Lynx
    February 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Having recently lost a friend i can relate to this poem,this is so very moving and tearful yet written with great dignity and bravery for the loss of your dear friend, the bond you shared with Kayla shines through the words in this poem, i always think that someone parting makes me look harder at myself and reflect on how lucky i am to have health and a good life.This poem has me reflecting again, i think they never really leave us you know ,they live on within us and remain a part of us sharing everything we do ,thank you for sharing this sad but wonderful tribute to your friend


  • Trixie08
    February 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    SORRY! *sad*

    I'm so sorry about Kayla from what I can tell by how you wrote this poem for her. I could clearly tell how much she meant to you. I'm sorry you lost her so terrifically. But, I know I can't speak for her but, I think she would have been pride to know that you keep her in your thoughts and keep her memory living on. As well as been a great friend and to have written a poem for her. I wish you the best of luck and I'm glad that you shared this highly personal work of poetry with all of us.


  • Nereida Nightshade
    February 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OH this is a amazing poem it is a great tribute to your friend. Thanks for putting it in my contest it was a pleasure to read it!


  • RIP Whoever
    February 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oo this is such a awesome poem! i'm sure you best friend knows that you think about her this much.

    and GOOD luck x 100000 for all the contests that this is it. i really hope it wins lots!


  • aliceramone
    February 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    so sad ..yet so beautiful the way you wrote this poem... a good poetic piece abound in emotion...your freind will always be with you in your heart and soul and one day you will be together again when you are done with this stepoping stone called life.God Bless

  • tawk gold member
    February 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is such a sad write so full of pain and sadness. I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a friend or love one is very painful but I am sure that she is smiling down from heaven.


  • AkaBaki
    February 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    omg

    I am so sry for your friend. this is a good poem though. i really liked it. keep up the good work. so sry for your friend. i know how sad a loss is.
    If you need somebody to talk to i am here.
    -AkaBaki


    • sprack44
      February 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much!

      I very much appreciate the fact that you read and commented on my poem


  • dragontuba
    February 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    terrified,,,, omg the most powerful and scary of the words... me like....I can see your heart through all of your poems almost like Black Ink on a page...


  • Zombie-x
    February 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow.
    very good.
    best of luck hun.
    <3
    Lithium-x


  • Quixotically Yours
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful. I gave me chills and made me want to cry. I love your simple, raw emotion and the repetition you used to drive your point even deeper into the heart of the reader. I wish there was more to say, but sometimes there are no need for words. Thank you for entering this in my contest.


  • Princessdove
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent expression of depression and missing someone. You kept my interest throughout the entire poem. Great job, keep up the good work.


  • SeraphicKisses
    February 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, pure emotion. This is really well written. I like this.


  • Laura
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    when i started to read this poem i thought ohh god its a rant lol but then i got further down noticed the repetition and took myself deeper into thought and wow its really good. the poem can be read so differently by so many people which is good because its activates your imagination..a very well done and thank you for such a lovely read
    laura xx

1 - 28 of 28