Memory inhabits
the plaster cracks that scrawl
in cypher - lines that web the room,
connecting all the dots
from bamboo prints and books
to vases on kitsch coffee table,
raw Jarrah, stained red like us -
- all items left behind to keep me company.
These dragons you adored, set high on shelf to ward
the Wine (the last) - agreed we keep in trust
until we can forgive each other.
Near to them the Teddy bear whose gaze draws bare,
regrets I would not face
if my deceptions ruled me still. Do I sit here
within my seat,
do you in yours?
Or did we live in bright and hallowed spaces,
lit between each other?
Now dark - do we cease?
Author notes
My favourite because it is quite personal and I managed to get a good flow going. I was in a relationship that lasted 11 years but had demons I could not face (or would not - too afraid to risk the loss of my partner). So yeah ... unfair as it was, she had to be the brave one; she had to do all the hard things and help me to face my own denial issues. That she did that knowing it meant the end of us ... well, yeah.
-------------------------------------------
http://www.poems.com/today.htm
but also influenced by http://www.poems.com/athisdun.htm
Plaster Cracks; Bamboo Prints; Books; Vases; Jarrah Coffee Table; Dragons; Wine; Teddy Bear
Jarrah is an Australian Hardwood.
In a list
A contest entry
- Household Items by Heart Sutra.
525 points, ended February 28, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Mine by Cherokee.
600 points, ended March 15, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Very Own Rounds Contest - Part One by Exodus.
600 points, ended September 4, 2007, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Absolutely stunning, but I wouldn't expect any less from you.
It annoys me sometimes that I can never find a single thing wrong with your poems. Envy? Probably.
The authors notes certainly help. Once I'd read them I went back to read the piece again and it really adds an extra layer of "oomph" for lack of a better word
.
Lovely work. -
Really Enjoyed It!!!
Your poem is really good. I was really drawn in from the moment I started reading the poem. I just really loved it and enjoyed it. Imagery in the poem was excellent. Keep it up!
-
Kate . . . relationships, when they end, can cause a lot of internal questioning, a lot of self doubt. When my first marriage broke apart I almost killed myself through drink, thus I commend you for your understanding of such a painful process. This is a beautiful and heartfelt poem . . . thanks you so much for sharing it with us . . . WELL DONE!!!!!
-
lovely lovely lovely
absolutely gorgeous imagry here...sorry for your sadness of the break-up...thank you for sharing such personal stuff with us.
-
Amazing!
Wow. It's amazingly beautiful. Intrigiuing. So very well pinned. Descriptions to die for. <3333333
Very good job! -
I like this.
-
Congratulations on the gold. It is a well-deserving poem. I especially like the stanza about the wine. Both of our poems have a similar theme; it seems as though they could be about the same couple, only yours is further along in time. Naturally, that made the content very interesting and personal to me. Good Job.
My only critique: I don't think you need "items" in L8. and I feel the stanza about the teddy bear could be cleaned up a bit and made more concise.
-
-
Thank you and I think your critique offered advice that was spot on.
As to the personal feelings ... it seems most people write best what they feel and know - at least I am finding this to be the case of late for myself.
-
-
This is absolutely brilliant. I am in absolute awe of your talent. No wonder you won gold. So sincerely deserved... x
Congratulations!
Love and light,
Butterfly.
-
-
*blinks*
You are in awe of my talent. Dear poet - you are far too modest.
That you shine in everything you pen ... well, if I attain a fraction of your consistency some day, I'll be well blessed indeed.
-
-
WOW, congrats to you! I love how you meshed your items into this poem. Yes, this is truly goldworthy!
-
This one far exceeded my expectations for the contest. I am so glad you entered this.
-
The sad thing is the way all this beautiful pensive introspection desends into babble around the person you obviously care so much about. It is the curse of mankind, and i am also infected.
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
