A withering leaf spirals downward,
On October’s crisp mornings-
That weighs down on my bleeding heart,
And makes my mind tick with a pendelic swing-
Reflections of light shine through the trees,
Almost Barren and Scarred,
While only a few hang on with purpose
Safe from Death’s trap-
The animosities of children tear away the few,
With Ravaging rage-
Exposed and broken, the tree mourns its loss,
Until spring, when defenses are renewed-
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Overall I like the poem. I do get a sense of autumn, and the slow, constant movement towards death. Is that the image you wanted to convey? Why do you shift from singular in line one, to plural in line two? And again, shifting from singlular to plural when speaking of the tree? Last, what will the tree defend itself against? I'm trying to understand if the theme of the poem is life renewed in the spring, or the march towards death in the fall.
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Overall
Your diction is great. I'm not sure why people use October in their poems so much, but it sounds pretty awesome. Keep writing!
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This is a very interesting piece. I enjoy alot of the word choice, and alliteration is always good. You also have excellent imagery in the second stanza. Good job.
P.S. Thanks for commenting on my poem. I really appreciate it. -
I like your poems drama and description sis,its good and quite interesting,i had to read it twice.Keep writing!
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a very beautiful poem, it captures the true magic of autumn, and how things die and are reborn in spring. a truly great write, with lots of great imagery
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