Oh! What Could've Been?

Oh, what could have been?
How I long for the moment
Of present years minus ten!

I dream of possibilities
And sit depressed and alone,
Losing what abilities
That once I used so much.

I should be moving on,
From days that have now gone.
But paralyzed by fear
Of failing while so near
To goals and hopes that the future may bring.

But I must be pushing forward
Where distant dreams lay.
All in the hope that I learn from past mistakes.
The future, not the past, may bring the hope to me.
And this time when the challenge comes,
I know I will not flee.

Oh? What did I do to myself?
Why? Oh, why did hold back?
I had to do it to myself!

Had it ever really been real?
That piece of crumpled life,
Is it too late—too late to reveal
The tattered remains of my past?

I can’t bring myself to move
From my stormy little cove.
The past has been a failure.
And a tumultuous, painful lure
Still haunts me to this day.

I could not possibly have seen it coming.
That poor and gloomy day
Remains fixed in my mind as one of those moments
That will stay with you and remind you of all your problems.
How could I get away from it?
Till I become a fool. For that is what a drunk becomes.

Argh! I hate my life!
So depressing and scornful—
A futile endeavor and a horrible plight.

Why must I be here!
Is it any way to live
Through trial after trial?

How may I convince someone
To help me find the right path?
I cry because I have not won
The place of honor I sought.

Why? I ought to end it.
Save myself the trouble
Of going through another day
With problems that usually double.

So should I?
As the line goes, “To be? Or not to be?”
Existence is a test. One that I failed.
But what about the future?
Something far that I cannot see?

Possibly a light of hope
Shines dim across the void
To where a man could easily cope
With what has gone on before.

Across the great divide of life;
Whatever lies beyond,
I could not possess if I left my strife
And took the coward’s way, of which I am so fond.

I must be moving on.
From days that have now gone.
But paralyzed by fear
Of failing while so near
To goals and hopes that the future may bring.