While in your bed, resting head, fast asleep
I from the woods, feeling good, slowly creep
Gas can in tow, here we go, time to blaze
Circle your home, while I roam in a daze
I cherish the flame, as I aim to destroy
Smell the fresh burning flesh, I giggle with joy
Author notes
This was going to be a very long piece but I ended it abruptly just because...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wonderful!
Deft and consistent use of internal rhyme really drives the point home here. This piece ended just where it needed to: continuing would have robbed it of its impact on the reader.
Also loved the use of the word 'giggle' in the last line: combined with what preceded it it makes quite a jarring impression.
You really ought to write more. You're obviously quite skilled.
Or I need to read your work more often.
Or both!
But seriously, this is a fine and well-crafted piece. You should be proud of having penned it.
~ Giovanni
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Yes, ending it where it did allows the reader to stay in the image given...and draw their own conclusions.
Well done.
~Rain
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I also like the fact that it is short and to the point leaving a last impression!
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Ending this peice aburptly was a fine choice. I think this is perfect the way it is. You have some amazing work!
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