Woman, what of you son?
"Why, I brung him up right, I did.
Turned 'em into a good boy."
Woman, your son is a man.
"Ah, yes, and a right handsome one at that.
So tall and yet still looks after his dear mater."
Woman, your son is afraid.
"Oh, such a good hearted boy.
Always opens the door for me."
Woman, your son is angry.
"Oh, I taught him right from wrong
Taught him to say his prayers by night"
Woman, your son is crying.
"Puts his stock in the lord
That's what we taught him"
Woman, your son is alone.
"He can stay here as long as he likes.
He carries the groceries."
Woman, where are your grandsons?
In a list
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Personal Best #4 (Prewrites Allowed) by aGent Lemon.
360 points, ended March 26, 2007, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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excellent display of selfishness to the point of destroying another's life and not just any other's...but the one who counts on your love and best intentions the most. Some should never be parents.
Blue
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very good write from you. thought provoking. thank you for sharing this with me and congratulations on the silver you have earned. viyanna rosemarie
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poor son... neglecting is like taking your dear ones for granted.. wonder what she'd so when he's no longer near her. would she be indifferent? or would she be so stunned at the sudden realisation and regret it all her remaining life?
it sure hurts when you're neglected. you feel like you're not good enough or worth it.. my heart goes out to all such people.
as for the piece, i find it different, unique. the form and syle you have chosen brings out the inlaid emotions very well. the ending is very strong. overall, powerful and speaks a lot.
thanks for sharing this, good luck!
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Interesting
.... written very differently here. I find this poem to be totally awesome. Neglect is one of the most horrid things that can be done to someone and you have shown that here. Excellent work. Thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kassie -
Compelling piece! I like the dependency this piece exhibits. Honest and brutal. Slightly repetitive but I feel that it works for this write. Very thought provoking!
~Lori
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Undeniable subject
The subject of this was well tended. I felt the repitition a bit monotonous and believe it would be poetically stronger if "woman" were excised from all but 1st and last OR legnthen and expand upon the couplets. Love the ending, it has power.
~*Starr*~ -
Interesting. The dialect is fairly well-written. The irony is nicely done.
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So very eye opening,and moving, perceiving the blind. and then "woman where are your grandsons.
so well done.
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Such Deserves Gold
I have now decided I must add those who write great poetry and well informative comments. This poetry holds true as for so many people. Sometimes parents will be too dependant on their faith that their child should be wise enough to grow without "no longer" needing Mom or Dad for further guidance which in turn, their offspring feels very reluctant to let them know how ashamed they are with themselves, especially when there's a whole lot of love there.
I would give this 3 encores, but I'm all out of any... but for now... I'll have to bookmark this. Thank you. -
Wow...
What a thought provoking write, filled with emotion and impact. You did a great job from start to finish! Excellent job! Excellent! Another one that was my pleasure to read, so glad I stopped by! You are a talent
~Tia
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Interesting
makes me think. This is a unique poem, a nice change really. -
ok... That makes me a little self-consious.... I've always worried about raising my girl well... But anyway, enough about me... I really like the poem. It really shows how people can just get stuck on one thing and never pay any attention to the fact that things have changed dramatically compared to when they last looked.
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WOW amazing, really, this is amazing.
It's really what sometimes mothers do to their child, thinking that they're doing it for him or her out of love, not knowing that what they're doing is out selfishness.
Great write, I loved it.
Elie
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