You are my North star that lights my
Path and leads the way home to you
Your eyes, as full as the moon
On a Dark Winter's night
Your hair, black like a panther's fur
In mid day sunlight
Your skin, like the cotton soft tail of
A white rabbit in a flower garden
Your cheeks, a shade of incandescent pink
Your lips, the perfect resting place for mine
When we kiss in the heat of the night
Your chest, a pillow for my head
When we lie among the maroon sheets
Your shoulder, my forever absorbent tissue
For my flowing black tears of pain
Your arms, my safe harbor of warmth,
Love, and protection from harm
You're my love, my life, my heart,
My one true being, my one true you.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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i never knew you felt this way about me....lmfao jk...welcome back my dear
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It amazes me no matter how many love poems i read they are all unique and have there own distinctive feel and this one is no different. You have captured sensuality and togetherness beautifully, congratz on a great piece
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I loved this line:
Your lips, the perfect resting place for mine
When we kiss in the heat of the night
beautifully spoken! Aww love! Just like Pepe Le Pu would say! Well close enough! This is very lovely!
Kyle -
ok very great write
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Great!!!
Loved it!!!!
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Excellant
A marvelous romantic write and a fine tribute, as well.
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although i understand the comment below , my feelings are that sometimes it is good to go all cliche hun, it certainly made a great write here
personaly i enjoyed every bit of it, feeling loved and in love often is cliche lets face it there is nothing new about love it has been around a while now 
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WINDERFUL WONDERFUL i appluade
great way to express the way a person is. i love it
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Excellant/romantic
I thought the simplicity of this poem was compelling and honest. Very good imagery. I enjoyed it very much.
You are talented; keep on writing and improving and developing your own style. -
this is good.
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cliché
i hate to say it, becuase you seem like such a nice person, but i felt that it was too cliché. i could pretty much predict exactly where it was going to go, and although you had some minor gramatical errors, it still lacked a unique ability to inspire me with something magical and unexpected. perhaps your format had something to contribute that feeling. to me atleast, if this was a large, long, emotional confession of love, then the evenly spaced cuplets with the excessive comma use didn't help contribute to the overall mood of the poem and actually (in my opinion) made it feel choppy and almost corny-love-song-y. alright, here are some other things to think about: everything in a poem is a metaphor and representation of the mood that you wish to convey. try and take that into consideration. as far as more nit-picky things are concerned, aside from the grammatical(sp?) errors, i noticed that in the second stanza, you capitalized "dark." Now, unless you plan to balance that by capitalizing a contrasting word like "bright" or "day," then don't put it in, because it seems random and unsupportive of the main idea. in the 5th little stanza thing, you have "incandescent." i think the word you are looking for is "iridescent," and if not,then perhaps you need to re-evaluate the context of the word. in the 8th stanza, you mentioned "flowing black tears of pain." ok, that's interesting...i think. despite mentioning that you're not emo in your bio, that seems rather emo-ish. forgetting all that, think about the phrase. what exactly are black tears? is that an allusion to a reference? are they metaphorical? ask yourself those questions with whatever poetry you write. also, looking back, the thing that makes this poem sound cliché is your EXCESSIVE USE OF SIMILE. I just wanted you to remember that. In case you may not know, a "simile" is a comparison using "like" or "as." almost, if not all of your stanzas contained examples of simile in some form or another, the repetative use of one figure of speech lends your poem to sound as i put it earlier: cliché and predictable. try using personification and metaphors.
lastly, please understand that just because i didn't say "oh that was wonderful!" doesn't mean that i'm evil or rude or anything. most of the people, the vast majority, are only being supportive and know not of what it would actually take to criticize poetry for the purpose of improving it. your friends below you are good people, i'm sure. however, in their bias to you, their support for your poetry is all they give you. to truly improve, ask for an objective and unbiased opinion. please understand that i only wish to see you improve, and that my intentions were good.
have a good day. -
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Thanks for reading and for making all of those suggestions. In all honesty, I appreciate all that you've said. I don't expect everyone to say oh that was great and that's it. I wish more people would leave comments like the one you have left. Thanks again.
<3 Cat -
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anytime
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this i svery wonderful, and written for my ap hubby too ha ha ha wonderful world
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i am so speechless rite....real talk, there is like so way on this planet to explain how good it really is... more or less so actully doin so. This is like jus picture perfect and i jus enjoyed it....
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Aww thanks Tre I really appreciate that. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Awwwwwwwww!
I know who it is for; ME! (LOL) I'm sorry but had to say it for it's truly romantic (and I saw you didn't know who it was for). You did such a fabulous job that I have to bring out the maximum golden boys on this write!
Ted E
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=]
Aww thanks for commenting Ted E.
Haha of course it's for you love.
Glad you liked it.
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Makes me feel honored and very loved!
PS: I do hope you find a great guy that fits the bill, you deserve it sweetie
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OMGosh! This piece is so compelling! I am actually jealous! Such love, passion and joy!
K
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BEA-UTIFUL
"Your lips, the perfect resting place for mine
When we kiss in the heat of the night"-is my favorite part.
I love the way you put so much detail in it.
amazing.
simply amazing.
keep it up.
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Awww, this ssuch a beautiful write. I can't decribe anybody like that because I keep getting hurt. They both promised me something and then broke that promise when they left. Wanderful write, though. I lvoe it. Keep it up.
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WOW!
i normally dont really like repetition
but this is amazing!
i really like the last line
"my one true you"
its soo powerful!
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this reminds me of a format we use in typing class for reports weird. I love it though. so purdy which great emotion, yay for alice in wonderland(sorreh, it came out of nowhere) -
Beautiful...
It's been a minute since I've been by your spot...
You did a wonderful job... I love the pathway of beauty you took your reader on...
Sahabah alMahgrebi -
I loved this !!!
I loved this... You took me into a magic wonderland with this one, I truly enjoed it...
Lines that has words words spelt incorrectly though:
Linw 3 'as full *as* the moon'
Line 7 ' *your* skin'
Line 8 '*your* cheeks'
Keep your pen flowing with ink that never fade..
Elmarie
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truly endearing sentimental write you have done here...Physical description entertwined with the emotional aspect puts awesome flavor in this...Excellent!
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