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blackened death

chained up in the room of no return
for sunlight and blood is all I yearn
I didn’t do anything that bad
I don't see why the judge was that mad
all I did was tear her apart
I loved her lush skin from the start
so beautiful and innocent I just had to
ahh, her eyes where such a vast blue
after I slit her throat I couldn’t stop
from there on all I did was skillfully chop
first with her long pretty fingers
the sent of her perfume still lingers
I would cut off her skin just to see her bones
if she was still alive I would listen for her groans
after a long time of this I just left her there
I don't see why im getting the chair!

the stroll down the long walkway of lost hope
my dreams and my sins all falling fast down a sharp slope
I sit in the horribly carved chair of thick pine
it feels rough on my scoliosis owned spine
a man in a black suit puts a sponge on my head
when I feel that the sponge isn’t wet I fill with dread
I start to shiver uncontrollably im getting scared
but then I think of all the pain I shared
I helped all those people feel the pleasure of pain
no one knows it but this makes me feel completely sane

I start to shiver again relentless, then I feel a metal helmet put on my head
the man in the black suit asked if I had and last words to be said
I start to speak "you people don't know what I’ve done!"
I think for a second "why do you think I did this to my own son?"
"It’s for the better cant you see?"
"This is the only way it can be!"
I stopped talking after that because I had no more to add
the things these people don't know is just crazy and sad!

the man in black said "as of today you are a dead man"
I think my last thoughts, all that I really can...
because seconds later I feel a shock run through my course veins!
im being devoured by all my sins and death all creating infinite pains
but I know It's been coming
I just hope electricity will do the numbing
I burst into flames miles high!
and as that happens my pains hit the sky!
it feels as if I’ve been burned from the inside out
but I guess that’s what sin has always been about
I feel my soul being lifted up violently
I feel scared to death so i go silently

I reach a gold painted gate
my heart fills with vile hate
a man in a white robe makes a graceful look

then he looks in his glowing white book
he shakes his head and calls him in
a man with a gold halo says "you have to much sin"
he waves his hand in a disgraceful motion
and my heart fills with horrible emotion
i start to flow down towards red colored ashes
the force holding me lets go and my soul crashes

I am devoured by intense heat
the devil tells me to sit in a seat
he ties my body to the chair
I look at him with great despair
the devils finger appears as a knife
he plans to replay my previous life
he glares at my fingers with evil eyes
his eyes were nothing but infinite skies

I close my eyes ready for pain
my emotional soul has a permanent stain

Author notes

Gasp!

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • TwistedTatum
    June 22, 2007
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    the beggining of this poem reminded me of that begging of a story a friend of a freind of mine wrote. he's here on all poetry, the title of the story is Anisocial Scizoid (i spelled that wrong, sorry). i really liked the ending, the idea that the devil replays your life with you as the victim. That was a good idea.
    Good Luck


  • okadadokie
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is a interesting poem. It is long, but every line made me want to read more. Le travail merveilleux. Good luck.

    ~Oka/KC


  • Xsafety glassX
    May 1, 2007
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    im still out of clappy dudes. thanx for entering


  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 29, 2007
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    Interesting piece to be certain, nice flow to it although a very unusual subject, I know from your notes what you were trying to do and yet I cannot say that I like this subject either way. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    April 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very dark indeed. I scare everyone in my class and back home as it is nearly impossible to disturb me. It just doesn't phase me and I don't quite know why. Ah well, it helps when you have a strong stomach. I can sit and watch a butcher at work and eat my tuna sandwiches


  • XXBrunettexBarbieXX
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow...this was a very dark..eerie and interesting write..i really enjpyed reading this..it was powerful and dark and different from most writes here on ap..i enjoyed reading ths keep writting your very talented

    ~Chrissy~


  • XHollowXEyesX
    April 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is an amazing and interesting write. the detail in the description makes it so horriffic to read yet you did it masterfully, the flow and structure of the piece is so natural its scary. I especially love the perspective that you wrote this from, it is a good change.
    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • Vera Jewel
    April 14, 2007
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    Thank you for entering


  • silencethequestion
    April 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    really good write. it's interesting to see the other persons point of view. thank you for entering the contest


  • Bruised.Roses
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    really well written, very long but it keeps you reading....I loved the rhytem to it and you rhyming didn't seem forced....beautiful! good luck in the contest!
    XTashaX


  • nobodys-girl
    April 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome!!! maybe i just like it so much because im currently going thourgh hell dealing with this girl i know and i would absolutly love to hurt her...but o well it doesnt matter why i like it just matters that i like it. thankyou so much for entering my contest (again) and bast of luck!


  • wanderingstarlet
    April 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i liked it. it was different and filled with a lotta emotion. i liked the rhyme and all, thanx for entering!


  • QueenofTomorrow
    April 13, 2007
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    the rhyming flows so well and is not at all forced. that seems to be difficult for most-especially in a long poem. this is, like, the epitome of darkness. i like how the guy thinks he's the sane one when he's anything but, and i like how the guy gets the charis and goes through judgement and everything. well done and good luck

  • Xsafety glassX
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow...that took a while to get past all the contest this poems in but wow this wuz good...never thought the devil would do that...i thought ud die the way u killed her...weird twist...

    anyho, this wuz probably the ONLY poem ive ever read wher a dude gets in the electric chair and goes to hell...first thats actually gone to hell...and 1st for the electric chair...

    thanx for entering my contest and i ran out of clappy dudes so yeah...


  • AutumnsFlame
    April 8, 2007

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    HAHA... how sick and sweett.... When I first saw this I was like "HOLY CRAP THIS IS LONG!" but I read the whole thing so A+ for holding my attension!

    My only complaints:
    1.The background kinda makes it hard to read.
    2. I'd like it if the title and the first word of every line were capitalized... it just looks more poem-ish that way...

    It was cool, and I liked how you told a story with it... good luck in my contest! : )


  • ChildeOfChaos
    April 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well, you get props for keeping my attention through such a long poem. The beginning of this is really creepy to read, a glimpse into the mind of a sociopath. Nice work on the rhyme as well. You really did a nice job on this one.


  • WriteOrWrong597
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a great poem without forced rhyme. You did a great job portraying this story from a different perspective than most poets would choose. I usually don't like long poems, but this was great.


  • lilacgold
    February 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was great! The rhyming was so natural, and it seems like a lot of feeling went into this poem. It certainly fit the criteria of all the contests it was in, too. I love the way you got across that the man, thought to be mad by the rest of the world, thought that he was the sane one and everyone else misunderstood him. Amazing poem!


  • SeraphicKisses
    February 18, 2007

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    You did a nice job of making it flow without forcing the flow of words to rhyme. Good job. This was really good minus a few sticky spots.
    Nice poem.


  • early-sunsets
    February 17, 2007

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    WoW!

    I don't see why people haven't been giving this tons of applauses. This is amazing. You did a faboulous job on rhyming the lines without making it seems forced and annoying. This is definaly an amazing work of art. Keep It up.


  • rexi and eso
    February 17, 2007

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    i really liked the idea alot, that the person experiances in death the same pain that he caused in life. i thought you should have centered on that more, it was sort of pushed away and filled with thoughts and rationals of a mad man. i didnt mind it, but it became lengthy after a while. (i felt like there should have been a little more of the former and that the latter should have been used less like the poem itself but as a backup for the more powerful idea. i guess thats what i'm trying to say)
    i liked it regaurdless
    b&p


  • AkaBaki
    February 17, 2007

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    HaHa!

    I know this is bad but this poem made me laugh. I don't think you meant it that way but sorry. Great write nonetheless.
    -AkaBaki


    • Gasp
      February 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      hey, he got what he dissreved! and if it makes your laugh thats fine with me lol! thx for commenting


  • dionne.
    February 16, 2007

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    nice

    this is a very nice poem it rhymed and you were careful not to force rhyming like i do sometimes lol good luck!


  • moonspider
    February 16, 2007

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    hmm, firstly, i agree, tis pretty gross, but its really good, i just have some rhythm nd vocab issues for example, although the "ahh" on line eight IS! effective, it disrupts the flow
    also, on the first line of the second stanza "the long walk down the long walkway of lost hope, the use of walk does sound a bit awkward. but tis still really good

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