Beautiful, I did not think I could be,
that is when God lent me your face to see.
Mirrored reflections, embracing my heart,
they speak volumes... of me, you are a part.
Each one on earth has a twin, or they say.
I have beheld that truth on this great day.
Rainbows of promises spoken ring true,
your elegance embraces love's great hue.
Colouring my world with reds, golds, and tans,
within our heart, you've painted our new plans.
Seeing the one you offer with your love,
causes me to breathe and thank God above.
Mirrored reflections have shone love on me.
I realize, I am all that I now see.
Author notes
please do not use my name as this is a blind contest.
A contest entry
- The perfect poem by xandercheerios.
800 points, ended March 3, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Lovely poem, but I thought sonnets are always written in iambic meter (da dumm da dumm) and should have 10 syllables each line?
-
-
there are ten syllables per line unless i am off on one. i will check this but i keep coming up with the same thing. thank you for reading
-
-
I may read it wrongly (due to being a Dutchie), but to me the last line seems to have eleven syllables. I-re-a-lize-I-am-all-that-I-now-see. Loosing the word 'now' will solve that.
When writing sonnets, I always tap my foot on the rhytmn da dum da dum, while reading my lines out loud. In your last line that would be tapping on re-lize-am-that-see. If you do, you'll notice that the word 'now' is breaking the rythm.
And though your poem is really great in what you are saying, I can't get the rythm of da dum in most of your lines. I hope I make sense. Just trying to be a positive help here. Please don't feel offended. ~Titia~
-
-
-
Ahhhhh much more pleasant to read. I don't think I mentioned it before, but I love it when poets use ...'s in their poems to indacate a longer pause/breath, it so helps with the reading! I look forward to reading more of your poems after this contest is done (too little time right now, with all these poems to critique).
-
Another good one. I like the first stanza with "Beautiful, I did not think I could be, that is when God lent me your face to see." In stanza two "...your elegance embraces love's great hues." The third stanza it was "Colouring my world with reds, golds, and tans, within our heart, you've painted our new plans." Great job.
-
AAAAAAAAAA finally, a poem that is actually really trying to fulfil all the requirements! MOST of your rhymes are perfect... I say most, because I haven't yet come to see a pluralization (ends in s) being a perfect rhyme to a singular noun. Yours... true-hues. ALMOST but not perfect. A suggested change, line 5, because the reader (at least me) would try to read the end as "or so they say"... to help with that, you could change the line to something like.... wait... it's coming to me.... wow this is hard... you know what? I can't think of anything!!!! Which is probably why you did it that way! Either way, if you could change it, it would VASTLY improve that verse.
There are a few other tough places, I can tell you them if you want. But right now... more poems to judge. -
You and I are so alike sister
Darling sis
Once upon a time
I too was lost
unable to mirror mime
success at any cost.
I pushed people away
sending out mixed signals
feeling defy me stay
my claren call sentinel.
But like you did
I braved the world
peeking as I hid
past this broken girl.
Smoosh
Janet
-
Beautifully done...
A testament to the realization of your own beauty...
Bravo... if only all could come to that personal revelation...
xo
Heidi -
This is an incredible poem that I enjoyed reading. The poem fits with the picture well. Nice rhythem throughout the entire poem as well. Great job. keep up the good work.
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
