If hard enough
hear I can
you whisle,
bustle,
miss a step
sometimes.
Carpet the tiles
that
are liquid again
with viscous blood
that flows
sometimes.
Do not wake
or stoop
or cancel
my valves
let them beat
another waltz.
Red
Interferon
tonight.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like this poem quite a lot, each stanza adds another piece to the puzzle. I like each stanza on its own, but together they make a very intriguing poem. I like the repetition throughout or synonyms or related words, they pile up to help convey the meaning. I enjoyed reading this.
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cumulative lines
Andy Miles (doesn't look like you need someone to look over your shoulder as next best thing to having a shoulder to cry on when writing about such... but that was my experience when I assisted my daughter with second opinion on a poem at a time I left something I was struggling with artistically emotionally),
"Heart" has a very narrow range of patience in which it begins I felt. We're taken from subject object to flipped practice I think. And as it's uncomfortable but doable it almost becomes a model for the reader to feel throigh altered language means to imagine strained standard of health expression. The adjusted routine seemed to take dips on top of that, so difficult pulse is getting understood possibly. What a sounding board needed per se!
The second stanza conjures up a binding of the cells in plasma, ending on plain terms of it, with a maybe though. Which pulls to relate it through here!
I enjoyed your next was instructional to dignify yet, and the alliteration didn't leave a little effect for control to go on as long as a start to finish is with :
"or stoop
or cancel
my valves"
and concluding with purple garlic liveliness almost.
Interesting one to get sleepy by, letting myself not get worn out by my writing shortness of breath today.
~Carolyn
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Thanks
Thanks for the review on Heart. I joined this site becuase I wantedto write about illnesses and heart is one of 12 poems I wrote on them. Yes, you're right about the narrow range of patience, though not done on purpose. We mentioned inspiration a few days ago and the frist stanza was written in one go. I tried to change it but nothing else seemed to work...
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I like how the structure is broken up. Sentences but yet not sentences. Very interesting.
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nice
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