One dark night in broad day light
Two dead knights began to fight
Back to back they faced one another
Drew their guns and stabbed each other
One dead noble heard the noise
Came and killed the poor dead boys
One blind maiden saw what happen
Yelled to her husband inside crappin'
The legacy of this brave dead noble
Invited in honor to visit global
All dead kings awaiting his arrival
To have such talks on our survival
Author notes
#7 We need sponsors to support this young dead man in his qwest. Please send your donation to City Morgue. Thank you for your support!
A contest entry
- Fantasy Contest! by Catauthor.
600 points, ended February 28, 2007, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Thanks for the explanation, and I do apologise. William.
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Thank you my friend! Hope you enjoyed the extended version, Don
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But please correct me if i am wrong, but i am certain i ve heard this rhyme before, no?
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The first part of the poem was told to me by my father when I was very young. The second half Is original wording by me. I'm sorry if this disturbs you, But I see alot of this on AP without any explainations asked for. The poem was for the enjoyment of all not to take credit for someone else's words. If you would like to make an issue of it, be my guest. Don
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I wouldn't call this original stuff, it sounds coppied, I ve heard this rhyme before.
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Wow, this is so whimsical and funny!
I do not particularly like much humor poetry, but this one is brilliant!
AMAZING.
Thanks for entering your write at A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Thank you Marluxia! So happy you liked it! Don
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TE-HEE
Here... I have another spin for you (my hubby taught me this 20 yrs ago)
One bright day in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced eachother
drew their swords and shot eachother
A deaf policeman heard the noise
and came and shot the two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
ask the blind man he saw it too.
Yours is purely magical, Love, Chrissy -
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Thank you Chrissy!! That is a cool spin too. thanks for the comment, Don
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This is absolutely Brilliant -- Hilarious
This is so clever, so creative. Has wonderful, perfect rhyme and rhythm. I wrote one with a similar idea: UNDEAD SLAVES ON MONSTER WAVES. http://allpoetry.com/poem/1584347
Yours here is terrific! A lot funnier than mine. Well, mine isn't funny, isn't meant to be. This is one of the most clever poems I've ever read.
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I must have missed this comment before! Thank you for the wonderful comment and compliment on my poem! So happy you liked it, Don
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Congratulations
Congratulations on the gold. I bow you your humor and wit. Good spin on a fantasy contest. It is a gift to be able to make the world laugh. -
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Thank you melphleg! I appreciate the comment and the congradulations, Don
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Thanks for entering this in my contest. Congrats on the gold! This poem really made me smile, and I liked the light feeling about it.
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this is just to cute and funny.I enjoyed this write with pleasure.You have penned this really well.
God Bless
~Cheryl~ -
Ermmm.. Ok Please do not be offended with my comment. This is a really weird poem!
It is funny and Ironic, I mean they are all dead and still fighting, knights don't use guns, and "a blind maiden" saw it all.. lol It made me smile and raise an eyebrow at the same time.
I do not get what you wrote in your author's notes and what it has to do really. I mean what is your poema metaphor for??
Good luck in the contest,
Nooni -
humerous
It has a sing sang feel to it and certainly a bit of humor. Line 6 doesn't make sense to me. How do you kill the dead? The line before makes sense if the noble is a ghost. I would add a line that says the nobles ghost was awakened by the noise.
Line 7 is silly to say the least, but doesn't make as much sense as line 5.
Line 8 is the most humorous line.
I understand the humor in the contradictions (dead-killed/blind-saw), but some could use a little more clarity perhaps. Left alone they are just silly which I'm sure was the intent.
Line 10 doesn't flow too well. What is meant by "global??"
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Lmao! This is great fun! I love all the contradictions... awesome... Hehe, thanks for this .... interesting... yes, that's it... thanks for this interesting, and pleasurable read. Good luck in the contest!
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PS,
Love the pic.... and the first 3 stanzas are me favorites.
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I actually giggled when I read this; very nicely done. I like lines 3&4 especially. Good job and thanks for the entry!
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This was really funny. You flow was great, also. Good job.
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Ok... Read it twice , thought it very very nice , Yet still , I think I'll read it thrice as its put my mind into a vice . Storm
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clever piece, a blind maiden seeing what happens. well done!x
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Very unusual!
I dont think I have really gathered the entire intention here! Are you writing in opposites? Don! What the heck is going on? Ok, I gotta read this again!
lol
Annette
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