Watching her set up a spiel
was like staring down the barrel
of Dirty Harry's revolver
as he pulls back the hammer;
you can even see the rifling in the barrel
as she spits out her rhetoric.
Her words came out
like a passing jet through overcast:
Loud, overbearing, and all-intrusive;
yet no matter how hard you look
you can't figure out where they're coming from.
Author notes
I kinda wrote this poem as an artistic rendition of a thought process of a man who has heard all the complaints against him a thousand times before, so he just starts thinking about other stuff, and slips in and out of the actual conversation.
A contest entry
- Your Maverick Prewrites . . . by RatherImaginative.
925 points, ended October 16, 2008, 67 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Well?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Loved it, noir for the disassociated man.
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From The Critical Reviews (2) Group:
Thank you for the thought process behind this write as it helped me understand better what you were saying. Now, with the overall poem, I though tit was humorous and actually very well written, the italics helped me see where he started to drift in and out of the conversation...There is no critique I can lend to this.
Thank you for sharing.
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It’s a little short but it doesn’t take long to say some things. You Author Notes explained it beautifully. This is a Critical Review but I don’t see anything I would change.
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Outstanding
I liked the choice of images and metaphors that you used to make this so real -especially in the first stanza with the concept of Dirty Harrys revolver. I think this is a poem that everyone can relate to. Congratulations on the trophy.
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Creatively penned!
Through out your poem I got the feeling of slipping in and out of thought, I sensed confusion and a man who’s seeking answers for too many things all in one time.
Then came the description of her “words”.
Thumbs up on that, it was sharp and straightforward.
Love your whole strategy... Very unique.
Authors note was in place! It made more sense to me and put things in perpective.
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I liked this piece even before reading the author's notes; however, the author's notes put the poem into the right perspective for me. I had to smile ruefully at the image then. May I never become such a shrew!
Thanks so much for entering my contest!
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Hehe! Thanks!
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this is excellent
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I slip in and out of conversations all the time.You're very talented.I like the word choice of this piece and how you distinguished between the conversation and his thoughts.
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1 - 9 of 9
