To be in love and full of faith,
To be blind by an unknown wraith,
I loved it when you looked in my eyes,
Even though the words of love were nothing but lies,
and inside where corruption cries.
You began to hate me with the nightmares in you,
Just for that, we began to split in two,
I thought you loved me with an angel's grace,
Instead a demonic aura had scarred your alluring face,
Just left me here in time's frozen space.
I tried to stop your hellish insanity,
But all it did was curse humanity,
Her possesion caused her to pull out a knife,
She stabbed me in the chest, a blackhearted strife,
Why did it have to be my soon to be wife?
Bleeding on the floor in pain and panic,
She laughed with a voice so cruel and satanic,
As I lay there dying on the ground I think,
The memories I hold dear with her flash in a blink,
I shall not fall alone, I must save her before I sink.
I pull out a gun and screamed to the heavens,
Shooting her in the head and praying three sevens,
Her soul released and a corpse collapsed,
My corpse there too with my life elapsed,
To be next to you in death, even after time has relapsed.
Author notes
the three sevens mean 777, the number of heaven.
A contest entry
- The perfect poem by xandercheerios.
800 points, ended March 3, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think, or you may regret it.....
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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There we go, I see a HUGE improvement with this poem, awesomely edited! Good luck!
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All I can say is that I'm glad I only had to DQ one person so far for NOT RHYMING. 2nd line... it's "wraith" Now... you have rhymed here, but unfortunately, not all the rhymes are perfect. Par exapmla, lies-die, blink-linked, elapsed-wrath. You have, however, used some very worthy female rhymes, kudos to that! IF ONLY you had the first verse, first 2 lines as female rhymes as well, then I could mark you better for consistency. I love the relatively less known words you use (I mean less known among the lay-people, the non-poets) like aura... and vengeance (that's a spell check for you btw... followed by "that's" you missed the apostrophe) Over all, pretty decent rhythm and flow, a few "tricky" parts to read. So... if you can change anything to make it flow nicer, please do, I don't want to not award you anything because of it...
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Um....
ill try to change some stuff around.....but....imma guy just so u kno ;P -
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Ok, I don't see that I assumed anything for your gender. If you mean the "female" rhymes, that's just rhymes of 2 or more syllables "satanic-panic" both the "an" and the "ic" are rhymes... hence female.
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thanx for the comment and i like ur poem its sweetness.
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