What is this lovely feeling? sweet, yet so painfull...Oh how your blood will weep this night. Together, united with mine. Lust's fatal call...I can no longer resist!
You'll be mine this night
...Bleed...
You've been chosen now to bleed, my dear
Please don't be afraid
I will only do it slowly
and bleed together with you
I will kiss you tonight
gently, my lips slowly discovering yours
Inhaling your sweet fear,
smell your anxious blood
...Bleed on me...
The raging of your heart
now bleeds poetry in mine
every beat
makes me want to cry for more
I will kiss you tonight
stinging, my teeth drowning in the flood of life
No-one bleeds like you
capitulation drips straight towards my soul
...Bleed in me...
Don't cry my dear
Your tears are soaking my heart
like the blood on my lips
is penetrating my very being
I will kiss you tonight
now harder then ever before
Let me feel your pain,
your hate, your love
...Bleed for me...
Chained by lust
we dance towards death
Your blood flows along my fingers
while I sight and say:
"Come with me angel,
Bleed me an ocean
...until your blood spills sin on my soul..."
A contest entry
- Vampires and Blood! by okadadokie.
500 points, ended February 23, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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niks..:P
mja, ben nog niet helemaal weg, een al geflirt, of hoe moet ik dit nu opnemen ? mjah, niet klagen over mij, en tegen anderen verder zagen
mjah, ik kom hier toch nietmeer al te vaak op, want ik heb ander dingen te doen
en voor een applaus ben ik te lui..
goed geschreven, doet ge nu verder aan de songs, die ik u heb op"opgedragen", ja? danku! -
I really like this poem, Bleeding together in death.....how romantic. *grins* I must say you have a way with words. Great job. Good luck.
~Oka
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Wow!
It's been a while since I've read really good dark poetry and yours is thrilling! You sure made my blood pump. I don't know if you meant it to be this way, but you managed to make the whole story and built very sensual.. Either that or I seem to have a weird taste
Anyway, I'm stunned. Yet again you have prooven to be original, creative and passionate! And to be honest, I wouldn't expect any less of you
There's only one phrase I would change:
"I cannot longer resist!" -> "I can no longer resist!"
I don't know if you meant something by it (if so, don't change it), but I think it sounds a little strange.
And please, please turn this into a song! I want to hear you sing it. It would definately become my favourite.
Lots of love and succes!
Tatjana
-xXx-
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Creepy, and yet...
...And yet very good!
I think this poem would go very well on a rock/metal song, and the parts between inverted commas to be sang in the creepy rough voice...like Agathodaimon sings, if you heard any songs of theirs. I am not a big fan of that kind of music, but your lyrics would just seem to work.
What I like is the way you used first "bleed", then "bleed in me", next "bleed on me" and lastly "bleed for me". It was, like, filling the poem where needed.
Congratulations, and if you ever plan on singing it, please let me know. I'd love to hear it!
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Thanks hun for the lovely comment!!
It's funny that you knew it was meant to be a music text
Maybe I'll use it someday, thank you for stimulating me
Blessed Be
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there are so many times when you just have to let off steam, the pressures of life and circumstance require that you be allowed to express yourself in this manner and just let it all fly – think that if you don’t do this, you become blocked, unable to write what is important, relevant and impacting….at the very least you are being honest with where you are and that, is a good thing. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
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