Breath
Alone, now
She kissed me
Did she care
or was it
inability
to speak nothing
I loved the way she tossed her hair
leaving me fantasy
I chose it
to her
was my goodbye
Grim, ominous, decrepit Ideas
that came from her
streaming into my heart.
I couldn't let it last
with doubt
now
that I'm alone
finally
I can do
what's obligated
of me
student, writer, singer
no more is my mind clouded
with her
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
okay i thought this poem was your expression of pure extacy! It's sweet yet creepy how infatuated you seem to be with this girl but nevertheless its a deep emotion... my favorite line was towards the beginnin that said, "she kissed me, did she care or was it inability to speak nothing" i had to read it twice and think about a few times to realize that it made sense. Good job.
~kenzi -
very nice poem great imagry and very fluent i liked " Grim, ominous, decrepit Ideas
that came from her
streaming into my heart."
~!~keep writing~!~
~marin~
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I'm lovin it :)
Great write. I like the second to the last stanza. It shows that people should not bring you down. Keep up the good work. Loved the poem.
-AkaBaki
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