I'm sitting here alone wondering what did i do wrong
I never seem to please you or even make you proud
It's because of you im dying, dying to be thin
It's a never ending battle of which i will not win
Your silly jokes and little digs would cruch me
But i would smile and laugh it off because im daddy's little girl
And never had the courage to change the way i lokked but...
I'm growing up now and i need to look my best
Don't want to disappoint you and make you feel ashamed
Wish you could see the pain im in from years of torment and abuse
Why did you keep on hurt me? what was your excuse?
For every bruise you gave me i would say it was my fault
But daddy now you've broken me, and never will i mend
But whats's so sad is that i see no wrong in you and
Forever more i'll always be your special little girl
A contest entry
- I Need To Cry My Everloving Brains Out!! by Angel With No Halo.
525 points, ended February 16, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The "point" is? by Nicole Hanna.
2100 points, ended February 23, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really enjoyed this read,it was a very emotional subject to touch upon and I can see exactly where you are coming from. If you have experiened any of these things then you can always talk to me. I know what it feels like to just want to make your 'daddy' proud and it never seems to work.
Keep writing never give up. -
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I'd first like to say that this subject is an intense one, and can be very difficult to write about and be honest about, so I applaud anyone broaching the subject. With that said, you don't really do the subject the justice it deserves because your piece isn't edited very well. There are several typos, some rhyme and some no-rhyme, which lends to confusion and a lack of flow. You should use apostrophe's in several of your words, and some of your punctuation is inappropriately placed. I wonder why you start each line with caps, but then don't cap your "i"s in the poem. I could read what I want into that, but I'd like to know what your intention was behind it.
It's a sad poem, a sad story, and I appreciate the bravery to write something like this, regardless of wether or not its true or just a made up subject for the sake of writing a poem (wether its actually true or not really doesn't matter). I just think it could be better displayed by paying attention to grammatical and spelling errors.
I wont judge for a while, so please feel free to edit it at any time. Just shoot me a note to let me know if you do -
Ya know..I never thought that way.. My father beat me.. but he never called me names about my weight.. That is sad hon. I am sorry. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest. This was very well written and I did like this.
~Krys~
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I have the exact same problem.
"Don't want to disappoint you and make you feel ashamed"
I loved that line. That's the one I could relate to exactly 100%. Good luck in your contest!
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