The eclipse of the soul;
The yellow scent of other people and their cigarettes.
A vacuum waiting to be filled
With evaporated tears.
You,
Distant, smeared by a window and the rain:
Though forty yards apart and getting further away
We reminisce between the wheels of cars and buses,
Remember the good old minutes, crammed
With electricity and photographs.
I hold a negative up to the light,
But this is someone else’s reel.
Today I saw Redkite:
He is sick;
He has a tumour of the mind
The size of the shadow of God.
Inoperable.
It’s not so bad, he tells me, though
It hurts when he dreams:
The pestilence of R.E.M. sleep.
He blames the Internet, says
It crept into his brain and laid Its eggs in there;
Then they hatched and now he has three or four baby internets
Lodged in his nasal cavity.
Once the accomplished traveller, he
Is confined to his room,
And goes to bed with his boots on.
I am in his debt as I walk out into the street,
Sit in a café and tuck into a plate of lilies.
I took something from him, which now lies in my palm,
Ersatz, artificial, weighted like a child’s toy:
A glass eye, warm and deep.
I hold it to my forehead and the world unfolds itself over the Formica.
I find you, a grain of humanity waiting for a bus.
I pick you up and swallow you whole,
Then rise and leave:
The oncoming traffic rushes up to greet me like a dog.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Metaphores are powerful
"Then they hatched and now he has three or four baby internets" I loved your metaphorical use but, it seemed kind of broken toward the end. ][][
. Rewarded 4
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I think you have a nice style. Your poetry is very different. I like the poem, but I could use a framework of some kind to better understand how the disjointed images relate. Nice pictures, looking at negatives and holding the eye to the forehead.
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Great Read...Story poem
I hold a negative up to the light,
But this is someone else’s reel.
I love this line, not totally sure where its going but I see someones elses old memories.
It crept into his brain and laid Its eggs in there;
Then they hatched and now he has three or four baby internets
Lodged in his nasal cavity.
Once the accomplished traveller, he
Is confined to his room,
And goes to bed with his boots on.
this is my favourite stanza. again i wil be studying this poem trying to grasp the concept that I like so much.
I have no bad word to say here except if you could give some author notes to help me out lol.
. Rewarded 8
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'[ The eclipse of the soul; ]'....
I found this very different...
imagry wise I mean...a twist to it that is...
thank you for sharingit with all of us and of course me too...
as always... -
The descriptive language in this is heaven. After reading the first stanza, I knew this would be a treat. My only suggestion is the spacing. For me(at least) it was distracting. I enjoyed the write. It "picked me up and swallowed me whole."
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