I'd like to
take this moment
and pin it up against
the harsh contrast
of love and hate...
where it would
blend in,
fading away into
being and unbeing,
the way i
slipped from your memory,
slowly,
quietly,
like snow on a spring morning,
and i,
as much as i cried,
screamed out,
or broke apart,
sending pieces of myself,
shattered,
flying miles and miles away...
it was all inside,
quietly subdued,
dying in a memory
that is already half-gone.
Author notes
=/
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Sorry, cannot critique a free verse poem - I HATE them all!
Robin. -
I enjoyed this piece of poetry,it had a fresh approach to angst,the frustration was felt but the writer veered away from rage and let metaphor carry the reader within a comfort zone,you write well,well done
-
This seems...peacefully sad? I guess I get that from images of snow, and how snow is quiet and peaceful, and also from the lines like "quietly subdued" and "slipped away"--little phrases that make it seem not violet, but still harsh, in a silent way. The lines about slipping from memory till the "snow on a spring morning" I think are the strongest in the poem. They seem the most vivid, and I really love them.
I also like the beginning. To think of taking a moment and pinning it up is interesting, but probably something people would like to do every once in a while.
I hope everythings okay, though...
thanks for sharing,
~blessings~
~rora -
very nice! the flow is rough though. i liked the lines "slipped from your memory,
slowly,
quietly,
like snow on a spring morning,"
~!~keep writing~!~
~marin~
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