Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Your talons of love

You spied me [like a hawk looking for prey]
I was covered in golden jewels [for the taking]
You readied your lying [undeniably sharp] talons
[Waiting for the perfect moment to strike]

From across the room you watched carefully ~
Knowing that your pray was unaware
Slowly you inched closer [eyes twinkle in the light]
‘Till you were perched [seductively] on my lap

My vulnerability was your strength
You slowly pierced [infected] me with
Your talons of love ~ lies and deceit
Poisoning me with your love of mone[tary lust]

My vision was blurred by your song
[A devil within your winged beauty]
I was even told but [still] I did not listen
Till the day the poison disappeared [the blood flowed]

I was left standing with nothing [but painful memories]
Stripped bare of my former [gloryious] self
A different poison now boiling within my veins
But free from the pain of your control

Author notes

Option 2

[Bracketed] sections are a colaboration [and are written by] a friend...Maddogk.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • XXBrunettexBarbieXX
    April 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ohh wow this was a beautiful poem! I really enjoyed reading this write..your words were powerful and emotional and you wrote a perfect poem! keep writting your very talented

    ~Chrissy~

  • vasi
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was unique and had a lot of poetic flow to it. Good write and I enjoyed reading it very much. Message me if you want your score, make sure to include the name of your poem. Thanks for entering.


  • perfect relief
    March 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think that the title fits very well. I like this a lot. It's well written and the collaboration bits fit snuggly into this. Good job to both of you. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Ms Raneika
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the flow and the rhytme of the poem....quite nice....thanks forentering my contest much love, Raneika


  • honey bear
    February 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    phew! *says she after scroling past the other ten contests you have entered this in well then i must say you certainly are trying fo ra cup good luck in this and the other contests my friend, i was rather confused about the brackets but your comment explains it and so i re read it again and enjoyed it,so much so that i realy don't understand why it is in this contest there were no spelling errors that i could see and the write is of a good quality, keep up the good work


  • Felix BlackHeart
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this oen is so diffrent. I like how you put teh person into a kidna bird, it made it very diffrent. and I like diffrent, no, I lvoe diffrent. and your poem. was very good. thank you for entering.
    Felix BlakcHeart


  • ZestyDreams
    February 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I forgot to applaud...Sorrys.

  • ZestyDreams
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved your use of metaphor in this poem. It was very strong. Great imagery throughout. A very powerful write. My favorite lines were "Your talons of love ~ lies and deceit
    Poisoning me with your love of mone[tary lust]"

    Great write. Keep it up. And thank you for your kind words on my poem.


  • tawk gold member
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery and content. So full of emotion. Good luck in my contest


  • Freakish-Lizzie
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I could really connect, I could feel lots of raw harsh emotions and I could get very good imagery from your deep meaningful words. Thanks for sharing
    Good luck


  • princess 32
    February 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    mmmmm I wonder who this could be about no doubt that.....that screwed you over lol this is good and yes you can tell that jeffro had something to do with it ;lol thats how i knew it was about that thing...anyway honey great read...keep writing good way to let the emotions out....Tracy


  • Despairkitty
    February 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was perfect.

    "My vulnerability was your strength
    You slowly pierced [infected] me with
    Your talons of love ~ lies and deceit
    Poisoning me with your love of mone[tary lust]"

    This was my absolute favorite part. It was quite well done and I think this shows a tremendous amount of talent. I have my fingers crossed. Let me know if you place with this one.
    Despair


  • astralshepherd gold member
    February 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ok i got it, the prey and the hunter, truly not an unusual view, in that respect but what is unique to my mind, what holds my attention is the sense of overcoming, the realization you are not the prey and the way you express that fact…the strength of character to make that known comes out in the realization and expression of your realization. The difference between being someone’s lunch and living free, begins with saying what you have said here in your poem. Freedom is costly, but now you’ll watch the skies. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard

1 - 13 of 13