Trouble In Paradise
Children rise to fall to destruction
Parents only want something constructive
'My childs better, yours is worse'
Everything is a competition, even family && love
We stand a country divided
President cant find out what pride is
Searching for weapons of mass destruction
Unaware that his country is dying
The school system is losing
Poor dumb little suzie
Struggle for money
Just to over fill our classrooms
War, death, destruction; all impending
No one knows the world is ending
Put your head down && scream goodbye
Always forget it was preventable
Author notes
I wrote this in my math class this morning, after I yelled at my teacher, I was suprised that inspiration hit me there, but I guess thats proof that it hits you anywhere, so I keep pens nearby now...woohooo
"Hi my name is brittney, I like pens" haha
A contest entry
- I want your best piece. by EnigmasPhilosophy.
950 points, ended March 13, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Very Best (pre-writes allowed) by Dark Whispers.
377 points, ended April 16, 2007, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Wow..I wrote...tell me, is it ok?
Comments
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One preventable is not a word,the word you should use is enevitable, check the spelling Im, not sure its correct. Great poem by the way keep it up.
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I wasnt aiming on whether or not preventable was a word, i just liked the way it sounded. And enevitable or however its spelt...doesnt have the same meaning. Because as far as I know poetry wasnt about form and type of word...its about getting out feelings in the best way possible...but it is your contest and judge it how you will
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Thanks for the comment on my latest. You're right, I haven't written anything in a while. I just haven't had it in me really.
I enjoyed reading this, because I can understand where you're coming from. Everyone knows that America falls short of paradise in just about every way possible. It's like all of the reasons that made America just a wonderful, and worthwhile place in the beginning are being taken away. What happened to being "The Land of Opportunity"?
Good job.
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yay! you wrote again!
I'm glad you were inspired to write again. amazing where inspiration can come from. lol. as usual, this is an awesome piece! I loved it!
This line struck me as a favorite:
"Always forget it was preventable"
I always like your ending stanzas...you really know how to end strong. Hope to read another piece by you soon! :]
*ConvenientExcuses*
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