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The darkest depths

Swimming in a pit of eviscerated dreams
Desperate to reach the surface
The crimson pool of depression supports my form
Currents pulling me with pleading hands

Failures haunt like wraiths from the darkest pit of madness
Disturbing my sleep with their wails
Being hunted in the twilight
By the hounds of damnation

Where to go? How to proceed?
The pitfalls of life stretch out in an endless expanse
A desert wasteland with hope a mirage in the distance
Release me from this disease of despair

Coiling in the form of babes
Concealed within the cloak of dank darkness
I await in panic for the demons to caress me one last time
And cast me to the abyss of sanity lost

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • RhiannonMari
    March 14, 2007

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    well done

    i enjoy the use of words to bring about a stronger image. eviscerated, the abyss of sanity lost... giving you so many different ways to see and feel the poem. very nice!


  • DemonChild
    March 8, 2007

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    Very you

    I liked it the imagery is very much you and the feel of it, is sweet agony waiting to be released. Your darker side seems to becomeing out more and more lately in your poems. It is a side i can honestly say i like in your poetry, yet not so much in your life. As a writer, i love this darker side of you. The words you use to express what is going on so dark and finale is very impressive. Yet as your friend i worry over what can be done to help the slide into madness stop. Any way sweet heart loved it keep it up


  • dragontuba
    March 7, 2007

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    Swimming in a pit of eviscerated dreams Desperate to reach the surface The crimson pool of depression supports my form Currents pulling me with pleading hands wow..I love this..its amazing begining and the end..wow and the words are amazing..brilliant.. welcome to my finals list... Good Luck in the contest Best Of Wishes dragontuba


  • Shiro Okami
    February 23, 2007
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    Very good. Dark, well done.


  • Lj-
    February 17, 2007
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    Very dark, I like it.


    Thank you for entering this piece,
    Good luck!

  • Nicole Hanna
    February 16, 2007

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    ooohhh, eviscerated is a rather strong term to open a poem with. I dare say it's on the verge of being a little overly dramatic, unnecessarily so. Do we really view things as being "eviscerated"? I mean, if were sitting here thinking to ourselves about something, is it "eviscerated" or is it just "gone", "empty", "destroyed"? I wonder. Not a big fan of the "crimson pool". Actually, I think I just have something against that color, lol, because I've seen it used poorly in far too many poems. Not to say it's done so here, just that I associate that word with "cut and bleed for you" poems.

    The first line of the final stanza was stunning. Heck, I want that as the last line. I want to see it attached to the previous stanza and then do away with the last three lines entirely. I just don't like seeing incredibly strong imagery hampered by weaker lines. Or, even just switch that final stanza around and place the first line at the bottom. I'm just really really in love with that image. lol.

    Thanks for entering and letting me babble for a bit


  • quinatilla
    February 15, 2007
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    good thought provoking

    made me think, pretty good!


  • Samantha-.
    February 15, 2007
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    Really creepy...kinda scared me. But I guess you have to write from the heart.


  • drunknmindsobrheart
    February 15, 2007
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    great write


    I liked it a lot

1 - 9 of 9