I Love You...
It's funny how three 'lil words
Can destroy her whole entire life
She wants to forget them
She wants to forget him
Forever...
She tries every technique
Hatred,
Poetry,
Self-mutilation,
And everything beyond that.
They just...all failed...
She wishes that that deep voice
Who speaks those horrid words
Would just disappear...
Never entering her head again.
Those three 'lil words were
Lies to her white, pale face
For months and months
She was forced to believe them.
Now for an eternity
When she hears those dreaded
Three 'lil words,
the image of her beloved liar
Embeds in her tortured brain
And the feelings come back
To her fragile heart.
She can't take another
Break from her liar.
She'll crumble and decay
Away...
Those three 'lil words...
They could kill anyone,
Who believes them.
They are that strong.
I
Love
You...
A contest entry
- make me hurt with you by drunknmindsobrheart.
300 points, ended February 16, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love and Emotional by Razor-Blade Romance.
1000 points, ended June 18, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nicely Written !
I love the strong emotion you have expressed into this piece ! -
Stereotypical topic, but you did a pretty good job with it. You use a nice colloquial tone throughout, which is nice. It's not apathetic, good, good. It just almost seems amaturely written, though! I wish you'd toss in some vivid language. Work on this! It has boatloads of potential.
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You took an interesting take on the subject of saying "I love you". Hmm, the idea is nice; I like it, it has a nice dark feeling to it.
I feel the repetition was a little extreme, but everyone has their own style. I like the attention you paid to punctuation. I think you added the line breaks and stanza breaks in the correct places; leaving the assertion where it was intended to be.
The emotion, in my opinion feels a little cliche, but I understand where you're coming from. I think this is a subject that someone can more or less relate to.
Stick around to see what Liberation of Sense says, eh?
Thank you for the entry.
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ok idont know if its because of this computor(school computors suck&thats y some of the wordsare together not spaced sorry) butit was hard to read i hadto highlight it
other than that I liked it
I was very true how getting lied to about something like that can trulyhurt youmore than anybody knows anywaysgreat write i likedit -
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Sorriz if the color was a little too dark. I really liked that color. I brightened it up a little. sorriz it was hard for you to read. I'm glad that you liked it!!
+!~Confused CRow~!+ -
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it could have just been the computor I was at , my school is pretty much too cheap to care we ran out of tissues last yr in dec. bcs we didnt have enough money so as you can expect the computors are not all that great
but yea back to the poem as i said earlier it is really good
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Too True
So sad... Love is great, yeah, but when it ends it hurts. A lot. I can identify with this a lot and I can practically feel your pain. This is great, good luck in the contest.
jan
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