My silent serenade,
and the harpist who forever strums
my heartstrings,
wrapped your kaleidoscope
and fusion of a rainbow lights the way.
Sunshine into diamonds
and a comfort world
with edges blurred
Spinning tangled under my skin
and so you leap...
...cappilaries in hand,
you heard it all.
Swinging through the canyon
of the darkness and the red,
from bone to frozen bone you are inside of me
wreaking havoc in my limbs
and cooling jelly into muscles with each touch.
Each external caress, you rearrange my heart
you're not a lover, but a part
in my circulatory system,
an overactive piston,
on a boiler which is gonna overload.
You are a gentle breath of wind,
the breeze that only I can feel, softly
stroking my cheek.
You swirl deep into my mind,
dance forever through my dreams,
spinning tangled in my soul.
You are an azure summers day
you lift me up through cotton clouds,
blow candied kisses to my lips
You are my wings.
Author notes
inspired by the first picture; the love omen
A contest entry
- Make me float on Poetic Heavens by SilverMoonFeathers.
472 points, ended March 7, 2007, 27 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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VERY SOOTHING AND LOVELY WRITE!
Your words paint such a lovely picture of how beautiful love can be.
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Lovely, lovely imagery.
Fantastic write!
Angie -
Your images and metaphors are lovely and your word choice is very nice. I find the second half of the first stanza a little confusing though.
Your title bothers me a bit, too. It gives away the poem.
Overall, I really like this, but I think you might want to sit down with it and organize your thoughts. They seem a little scattered.
-Blue
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Wow... a breathtaking poem to say the least! I loved all the metaphors and imagery that you have added into the poem and your choice of words. Well done, dear poet! Thanks for entering our contest
--Tim
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wel how aboutthat this is a great poem good luck in my contest
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I think the car'mel could be written without the apostrophe - it doesn't affect the flow too much. You should probably change the phrase 'you are the harpist that...' to 'you are the harpist who...' - it just sounds more natural.
Also, I think you could make a bit more out of some of the objects you are using as metaphors:
Turn to dazzling diamonds
Dance gracefully through my most wondrous dreams
etc.
But I really like what you've done here. It's great, and really effective (I wonder who you're writing about?) -
You really put the words to use, xlnt job on this write. Good kuck with the contest...GETS
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this reminds me of friendship i have with someone... very beautiful, and very blessed to have such a relationship... great write and good luck in the contest!
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Amazing
A lovely romantic write, you have done a good job. I really enjoy. Keep the ink flowing. thank you for contributing it to the contest, good luck in the contest.
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great!
This is amazing
"You are my silent serenade,
the harpist that forever strums
my heartstrings.
You wrap me in your kaleidoscope
rainbow teardrops in your eyes
turn to diamonds."
i really love these lines! The rhythmn was perfect and there were no mistakes at all. It flows brilliantly and the picture must have been a very inspirational one to come up woth such a good piece of work!
Good luck in the contest! -
excellent write , i loved it !! ever word was sweet and nice ,
You are a gentle breath of wind,
the breeze that only I can feel, softly
stroking my cheek.
You swirl deep into my mind,
dance forever through my dreams,
spinning tangled in my soul
these lines , i loved best !!
thank you so much for the entry and best wishes in the cotnest ,
your well wisher ,
-truthwriter -
Thanks for the very nice thoughts about love. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Paul
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I just love the words and the feelings....It just explains everything so perfectly!
Beautifully well defined of one's true feelings from deeper core of the heart. My soul always thirsts for these sweet words. This is not just a poem; THIS IS A BEAUTY OF HEART & SWEET MELODY. I'm very happy to spend my time reading an amazing poem..
Thx 4 sharing w/us. (. _. ).
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A lovely romantic write, thank you for contributing it to the contest
The best of luck
~Lilac
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good luck in the contest withthis beautiful poem, very descriptively beautiful a pleasure to read
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Most wonderfully and beautifully written! Thank you so much for sharing and for being a part of the contest! I wish you all the very best!
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So sweet. Very cute, very lovely imagry and a very nice write. I like your content(how it's short but not that short) I love your words, not too over the top, but just enough to get the mood right. I really enjoyed it. You must be an amazing poet.
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