"Lord, give me grace
And dancing feet
Let me outshine the moon"
we spit verse and loose translations
against a fading night fervor on the street
be sure that in the event of deportations
we'll be the first to go--
the conjuring children of a thousand face retreat
fog coaxing
bridges unraveling
pulses rising dangerously
O, it be real dodgy in these ends
we are everything below the line
we real ghetto
don't ride the bus no
the Brixton Boys fixing up their collars, looking sharp
them boys is anything to us! no match!
we be locked up and mashed up
physically tiptop
the night sky is inviting
as a dream above my black head
"Tonight make me unstoppable
and I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle them with my wit"
the eyes of the night are redblue
bud bitten skies
surrounded by the light
high rises exploding up
moon
pavement
moon
blood is art. the new stale; street merk
(bodies in the roadway)
be bold love,
be bold
bring a child in from the cold
its hard to believe,
to know,
that when grace fails
I have my breath and my feet
those smirking faces taught us to destroy
to fear
one world to pull my weight against
from the corner growing taller
Author notes
Amid allegations that this was a religious piece I must first and foremost say that it is not. More accurately this piece would be titled Response to "The Prayer". Track 4 on the Bloc Party Album A Weekend in the City (the quotations in the piece are direct from the song). What I attempted to capture through the piece (especially given the contest) is the "Grime" lifestyle. Grime is essentially an English version of what might in America be called "ghetto". Young men, (primarily black) from broken households, wandering the streets whose only means of escape is self-expression. The voice is of one of these children, but one who identifies himself in part of a larger movement (hence the changes from I to we). So, I suppose in all blatant honesty this is not so much a specific emotion or response poem it is moreover a tribute to a way of life.
A contest entry
- the writing is on the wall by Cat.
450 points, ended February 21, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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"I'm like, a newspaper, known as the daily, roughneck, and I'm the prime suspect, when I'm in the vicinity of a robbery..." London Posse!
I hear your rhythm
'blood is art. the new stale; street merk' mark?
great line, anyway.
The 'fix up look sharp' thing...a ref' to that boy in the corner?
"be bold love,
be bold
bring a child in from the cold"
Yeah Man. Community.
Love Love -
Within sight so little seen
Yes our world has so many left behind and we pass them everyday without a word spoken SAD SO SAD for while as a child to adulthood they receive the same from the whole world WHY ARE WE ALL SO VERY BLIND What will it take to open our eyes and help the children learn how to love. I see your pont here and yes a world so dark to be raised in stays dark without sight from others
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This is okay but far too vague. If you want to really sell this story, you need to provide more concrete examples of what it is that these young men do, how they think, how they speak, how others feel about them, etc. As it stands, it's as if I were reading a newspaper article about this: just the barest facts and nothing in depth that would truly explain to me why I should fear or empathize. - oce
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you have something here
ghetto..grime.. it is the way some parts of the world communicate so withiout judging it is good to try to understand and this is an effort to understand..good for you....
a personal moment here..i embarrassed myself one night as a rapper wannabe and i learned it is a difficult thng... and more respect for the medium but it was a learning experience
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i think this captures the picture probably a bit more than other pieces- but im not a real stickler on the picture - i just wanted to see what it would evoke- im not entirely sure who/what you wanted your voice to be in this prayer or passion-
there were moments of this i really enjoyed and thought wow- and other moments i thought could be strengthened (hell we could all strengthen our work couldnt we?)
nicely done and an asset to our contest
m -
not sure what you are trying to do with this piece ... reasons being the abrupt changes in styles ... you begin by a seemingly first person perspective echoing a prayer (use you use quotes to better explain that to the reader) and then seem to twist into some beat poetry, and then more into song lyrics, and finish back into a classic free-form use of the word ...
watch the typos, and use better puncuation ... over all a interesting piece, and much enjoyed the content ... the flow was a bit distracting, but remember, the reader will never read a piece on how you intend it to be read ... good luck, and thanks for entering
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Thank you for your honest critique. I mean it. I can't stress enough how often idle flattery is presented on this site. This was a poem written completely loosehand and impromptu and in doing so it brought out many of my habits. Especially in terms of its format and punctuation , I almost never think twice. "the reader will never read a piece on how you intend it to be read"--key insight, very generally true I've just never put the thought into it. In light of what you and others have said I revised my authors notes to more clearly state my intent in writing the piece. I encourage you to have another look and see if it is any more coherent. Again, thank you prophet! it means alot
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when I started to read this is sounded religious, but as I read on it gets less and less religious (I missed spelled religious and I know it), it is a good poem to read, but when you used the term "geezers praying" I didn’t like it too much, it is not because I am old (I’m only 17 years old) it just because most of our population is older than 40, and not all of them are into Jesus Christ. (I can tell you that I am not nor my grandmother or grandfather, nor my mother or father.)this is very good poem for people whe believe in god.
~amber~
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