/Severed/ pieces of silk
that laced us together
by the
/delicate/ familiarity of
/ink/ /blotched/ fingers.
.
/Defilement/
.
.
If I
just
/detach/ these
/tangled/
lines of red string
will I begin to
/crumble/?
.
.
.
/lithium/ /induced/
deaths are the
worst
ways
to
go.
Author notes
Ahhh...
Why does all my work turn into crap like this?
-____-'
A contest entry
- ♥Wordbank and titles contest♥ by OurxBeginning.
500 points, ended March 25, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - dark poems by loserchild16.
315 points, ended March 28, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I LIKE THIS POEM NOW TALK TO ME.
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I don't think this is crap. It's unique and different. Holds a lot of emotion in such a few words. You used some of the words well. And I liked the string part the most. Thanks for entering and good luck. ~
~
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This is so fresh
To be honest, often I go to poems with dark themes and expect them to be overloaded. This spare, fresh, light style was fabulous to come across. I liked the slashes and pauses- they added to the sense of distress and confusion in a way words could not have.
Words are the simple part of poetry, in a way. Structure is harder. This piece shows a real flair for structure, twists (shock at the end as you mention 'death') and knowing when saying a little is more effective than a lot.
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Good lord. You call this crap? That leaves no hope for me... at all. I think this is beyond beautiful. The precise way in which you put together each line is so beautiful... It's so delicate.
"the
/delicate/ familiarity of
/ink/ /blotched/ fingers."
I am in awe of that. Absolutely beautiful.
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need I say anything?
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awww i dont think that this poem is a piece of crap..its far from that and i think this is a great poem..the flow was great and your words were strong and powerful as well..keep writting your very talented and good luck in our contest
XTashaX
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