She lay bleeding unto the pavement,
As if it were simply crimson water,
Flowing from an overturned bucket.
Trickling down into the crevices,
Then quickly filling,
And stemming out into smaller rivers.
Everyone stopped to see the spectacle,
But they were only looking.
They weren't there to be part of saving a life,
Only watching...a death.
A contest entry
- Who Loves Short Shorts #3 by Samplette.
300 points, ended February 12, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - enter anything u want !!! by sweethelper.
300 points, ended February 19, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free Verse Free Style Anything by requiempoet.
300 points, ended February 27, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. Just Impress Me. by I-Am-Custard.
900 points, ended April 13, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Spelling error first:
'spectacle', not 'spectacul'.
This is quite nice, how you described the flow of her blood rather than 'her' (whoever she is) was really interesting.
I didn't like that '...' in the last line, the line didn't have enough granduer to allow it without making it seem like an anti-climax.
Nice job though, thank you for entering. -
Whoa. Beautiful short and to the point, very deep...I love the last line. The only thing I would suggest would be to put it in stanza form.
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Thank you for the beautiful review and the suggestion. I will take another look at the piece.
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great poam
this poam is very well written, -
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Thank you very much for your sweet comments.
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Short with POWER
And To True...what have we become? -
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Thank you for your comments. I appreciate them very much.
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THOUGHT PROVOKING!
So sadly this is what is so common in this world of today, but there are those who will never just watch but act when needed.
A truly wonderful poem with deep feelings and thought.
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Thank you for the insightful comments and applause.
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DEAR SPIRIT NATURE
You are sincerely welcome, this is very lovely.
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Congratulations on your award
a wonderful contest this was,
warm hugz
Tearz -
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Thank you for your congrats. I am thrilled to have won a bronze with this piece.
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Ya know, I usually don't like writes like this at all, but you did a good job. Like erotica, if it is done tastefully, I still consider it poetry. The blood and guts is the same way, and this was done tastefully.
ONe thing...spectacul should be spectacle I believe. But as long as I know what the poet is trying to say, I don't take off for it unless it is a showdown.
Thank you for entering.
Sam
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