I sit on the b-r-o-k-e-n- bridges of despair
And dip my feet in the wading waters of deception
the biological debates of his charitable compassion
Has handcuffed me to the rotted roots
of my haunted memories
The sea foam tides of animosity
is slowly drowning my volatile soul
In the ocean of illuminated delusions
where my alluring attitude will be [LOCKED]
((in)) a classified room
of sinister darkness
The floating laughter of my innocence
is [trapped]in the walls of forgotten echoes
---BUT---
if I s.t.e.p. on the vintage pavement
of b_r_o_k_e_n_ dreams
I will –NEVER- find salvation
behind the static guard of my nightmare’s muse.
When I shed my invisible tears in the circulatory shadows
at night
Author notes
word bank: classified, charitable compassion, floating laughter, circulatory, illuminated delusions, crackling sparks, handcuffed, volatile, alluring attitude, biological debates, sea foam tides, salvation, vintage, rotted roots, wading waters, static guard, broken bridges
Written for Poetic Challenge:Round Three
http://allpoetry.com/column/2334284
The words on the word bank and the picture drove me insane at first , but hey I never back down on a challenge.... SoI put on a little music and started writing.
Music Inspiration: Lithium by Evanesence.
Hope you enjoyed the poem!!!
Di (ScarletAmbrosia)
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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excellent
you have a way with words
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Your work is simply blandiloquent! Your word useage entices the reader and puts them in what would seem...something like a dream! keep up the good work!
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Himmel,
Thank you for your kind words
I am glad you enjoyed this poem
Scarlet
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You have quite an imagination with words. Your words are both emphatic and penetrating, leaving much room for connotations. Exactly what I enjoy from poetry. Very nice!!!
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Hi Willie,
I am glad you enjoyed this piece of mine,
thanks for the comment ,
Scarlet
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nice job...word banks always annoy me but yer writing skill proves imaginative enuff to xplore on its own
its always nice to run into a smart cookie
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I liked the imagery and flow of this - I could see what you were explaining (as I asked for) and it wasn't choppy or anything.
The only thing I didn't like was the excess puncuation. Some writers can pull it off, but this poem just doesn't seem to fit it. Also, I'm not keen on alliteration. (But I guess you couldn't help that, as it was the word-bank for the other contest, lol.)
Great write, and thank you for your entry
Jeanette*~ -
you've taken the words and put them into something readible untwisted and alluring, mapping out a potenurally powerful versed poem, excellent and outstanding write.(sorry for bad spelling)
Ps:no need to reply, I come and go reading but hardly ever posting my writes in allpoetry anymore.
Take care and keep up the amazing writing.
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Excellent job! You put those words to good use AND more importantly..... In your tone. You did a wonderful job here. And nice backup working with Lithium! Beautiful song!
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Oooo... I can do a nice companion piece with this one... I shall place it in our file... good to see your vocabulary stretching, gives me that much more to imagine and work with next time darkness strikes...!
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Great use of the words isn the word bank and I like how you have related them so well to the picture. How good to see you pushing yourself and writing such a great entry.
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Grannyeri,
Thanks for the lovely comment
Scarlet
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Thanks for entering my contest!
First off I have to say that loathed the b_r_o.k.e.n kind of stuff.. it looks tacky, in my opinon. I thought you could have showed more than told, but overall i did like this, and it had a strong message. I really did like this.
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Hey Ty,
Thanks for the lovely comment...
Di
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BRAVO!
Hi Di!
In a way I have been awaiting this one. You have improved and reached a new level of skill, and this is just awesome. So you drew inspiration from an excellent music source, and I will say the first few lines remind me of Dream Theater.
Impressive, keep it going!
-Godfather.
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God Poppa,
Its So great to hear from you!!!!1 I missed yah alot here inAP!!! Well thank you for the wonderful commentb on my poem..... I have to say this poem is one of my fAVORITES lately...
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Cool Write ~
You took this Word Bank & ran with it nicely ~
Well done with the Theme as well ~
Great write ~
Best of luck to ya,
Bear ~
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Bear, Thank you dor the comment
Scarlet
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tremense
my god darling you are incredible but i suppose you might get tired of hearing that. stop by my page, its been silent for so long.
i really like the way this poem is written...the [trapped] really made me feel it.
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Hey Deidra ,
Thanks for the lovely comment hun!!! You think Im incredible .... Thank you.... and No I don't mind hearing it .....
Di
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Wow-
Beautiful verse You have penned my Friend
Love the use of the word bank for the Challenge and You did a fine job bringing creativity forth!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Best wishes to You in the Contest
Many blessings too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Bravo!!
Mummy, in the second stanza, your fourth line, you have attitude and will together. Just place a space between them. Mummy, other than that, the poem is fantastic. And choice of music... excellent!
Much love, Ashleigh.
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Ash,
Thank you for the lovely comment my dear ap dayghter...... glad you enjoyed this poem.
Mum
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Mummy, in the second stanza, your fourth line, you have attitude and will together. Just place a space between them
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ooo.. you did some more changing!! and I say bravo!!! I like it... you changed the ending before I could tell you
Again... impressive piece you have here hun, and I truly mean that!!
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I like this better since the first time we read this di it certainly is this dark in nature but I do see some hope towards the end you have cut out some filleer words which I commend you on really likedd the line in the walls of forgotten echos well done and good luck in the judging
love and light,
Blaze
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Blaze,
Thanks for the wonderful comment .Glad you enjoyed the piece.....
Di
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Oh my sweety!! You have spun out an amazing poem for this round. You really dove into your picture and let your self go with it!! I enjoyed this. I felt that your strengths really shown through this poem. You have an amazing talent... and here you have let that show. I am going to go through the poem and tell you all of my likes and dislikes throughout :) KK...
First stanza is amazing... It is a powerfull beginning, and sets the tone for all of the depth you are pouring into this piece.
Second stanza... again I enjoyed all of that... it was to the point and lovely penned...
Third stanza...PERFECT!!
Fourth stanza: There seems to be an extra space between the words "laughter" and "of". Still this is my favorite two lines of the poem because.... it is simply POWERFUL... I loved your use of the [] I felt that added a great dedal the lines :)
fifth stanza.... now this is what I like to see... a broken sentence... it lingers and allows the mind to do so as well. If we were in english class I would slap your wrist, but this is poetry baby, and I like the uniqueness )not even a word) that you added with that... To me, it is those little imperfect english moves, that gives poetry a bit of spice! I say I love that!
sixth stanza... I love the way you were completing the broken sentence from the previous line... yet it was spaced... nice! It gave the brain that moment to ponder... the only thing that I did not like is the way there was an unusually line length thrown in there. As far as the reading... it was perfect, but to the eye... it may seem odd to some... let me see, how would I suggest it. (I remind you this is merely a suggestion, it is not a required change):I will –never- find salvation:
behind the static guard of my nightmare’s musewhen I shed my tears in the circulatory shadows
at nightNow again this is merely a suggestion. I think that it would appear easier on the eyes :)
Now my overall review:
This is what I like to see in my challenge... this is wonderfully displayed, and shows your talent as a writer. I get so much joy from holding these challenges simply to help other poets, and to learn from them. You my dear have stepped up MAJORLY for this round, and I am - to say the least- very very impressed. Thank you for sharing this with me.
I wish you the best of luck!!!!
Love,
Mel :F
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Thank You
Mel,
ThaANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE WONDERFUL COMMENT !!!!!!I am so happy you enjoyed this poem...... I played a little with it again
Hearing such a fantastic comment from you JUST MADE MY DAY .I have to stayat the start I don't know how to start the piece but with determination and listening to the music "Lithium" by Evanescence got me rolling.
as for poetic styles well I like to break some rules and go with my dreative mind and insticts.....lol.
Thank you once again for the splendid comment Mel!
Much love ,
Di
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Wow! That is absolutely incredible! Very deep with a touch of darkness to it. But yet, I feel such a sadness to it that I can somewhat relate to. Beautiful work as always!
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thank u
auntie,
thanks for the lovely comment.. glad you enjoyed the piece
Di
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thank u
auntie,
thanks for the lovely comment.. glad you enjoyed the piece
Di
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Thank u
thanks for the splendid comment!!!
Glad you enjoyd the poem!!!
Di
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I'm impressed! Wonderfully written, and you did very well with the word lists. Those things scare me!
Love, Grandma
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thnks
Gramma, the word bank scared me too!!!! glad to know this piece came out well in the end.... i was wondering it will suck
thanks again foir the wonderful comment
much love
Di
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Wow
WOW....little sis this is amazing. You have such a wonderful talent for writing pieces that really capture the readers attention. Well done on writing such a captivating piece.
Keep writing
Love Your Big Sis
Countrybabe
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Brilliant write, Scarlet. I really liked this piece. I have noticed that everyone makes these words their own. It's always fun to see. [I've been the only one to rhyme >_>] Nicely penned. Let's go for the win
Love always,
Kristen ღ -
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thank u
Kris,
Tanks for the wondeful comment!!! GlAD YOU ENYOYRD THE POEM....
Di
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oh wow!!! hun another amazing piece./...the feelign and imagry are just...amazing! abolsutly beautiful! I love the flow and just...another amazing master peice!
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Thank u
caro,
thanks for the wonderful comment!
Love yah bunches
Di
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