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The Demon Drink

Missing image
When you don't want to think you turn to the drink.
It works for a while and it brings back your smile.

Then it starts to fade you start thinking again.
And it brings back your pain so you try it again.

This goes on for quite a while until you cant seem to smile.
So you take a bit more until you fall on the floor.

And when you wake you find your all sore.
So you start over again to take away that pain.

And yes it happened once more your there on the floor.
When you open your eyes again.

Your friends call round but your not there.
Your of in your head away somewhere.

I know you are lonely and sad and blue.
But turning to the drink will be the end of you.

You have lost so many people in this sad world its true
But I don't want to lose my only son too .

To this evil brew .

Author notes

I wrote this for my son who cant stop thinking about the loss of his sister and father.And has turned to the drink.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • mysticstorm gold member
    January 21, 2008
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    It is so hard to watch someone you love slowly kill themselves...we try so often to drown the pain of life in many things, only to wake up to it still being there, so we try harder...I understand the pain you both wear all to well and I wish you nothing but the best and him nothing but peace...may he find it soon.
    Blessings,
    mystic


  • Beating gold member
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is just so good! I love it. I love how you change the way you rhymed throughout the piece and all just came in a really good rythm. Just one thing - there's a couple of places where you do it wrong with "your" and "you're". You should read it through and edit.

    You broke a rule in this, so unfortunatly I can't consider it. Sorry!

  • the chase
    October 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The rhyme scheme here is hard to follow, there's no pattern to it. A few times you used "your" instead of "you're" where it needed to be.


  • XxpoisonxlipsxX
    August 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it i think this one will be in my top three so good luck!


  • Degausser
    May 18, 2007

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    Well, I hope for you and your son's sake that he stops drinking, I know how hard it isto be in that situation and to see others in that situation. I like the poem a lot, it's very real and very hard hitting. I know a lot of people who drink to erase the pain, and one of them ended up in the hospital with a breathilizer reading of .18 (and she's a very petite girl to make things worse), so I can feel your pain in a way. There was a line that was king of confusing: "Your of your head away somewhere". It was just a little confusing, I'm not sure what your were trying to say. Other than that it was really good. Thank you so much for entering, and best of luck to you.
    -Philly F.


  • XXBrunettexBarbieXX
    April 24, 2007

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    awww this was such a good write and im sorry about your son..i can undertand his pain and how desperate and how much he is suffering to turn to substance abuse keep strong and keep writting your very talented

    ~Chrissy~


  • kathy1967
    February 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    You have done a Excellent Job with this write, staight
    from the heart and real. Thank You


  • knitonepearlone
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You have a strong message here and have written from the heart. Well done I hope your son takes note.

  • rozethorn
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very good!

    great write! im sorry for your loss. please know that i will pray for you and your son. jesus loves you!

1 - 9 of 9