mist
.
the cloud
fogs my thinking
masking the constant pain
forgetting about my cancer
haze over
Author notes
Cinquain
The beauty of Cinquain is the abrupt impact that can be created. I put some thought into these 22 syllables and I believe I have given the reader three different points of view or thoughts depending on the mood one is in when reading it.
The first thought was the challenge presented. I used the mist to cover the pollution caused by man on our environment as if it hung over a once beautiful lake. Next is a psychological mask for an ill person and finally a drug induces mist. What do you think?
Cinquain
Cinquain is a short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, in five lines. It was developed by the Imagist poet, Adelaide Crapsey.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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A beautiful poem.
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A hard hitter and very well done. What I like about this is that metaphorically it is brillant. It can be induced into to many things in life/emotions beyond an illness. This one is phenomenal to me. Love it!
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Amazing, I may fall totally head over heals for cinquain. I stand and tip my hat to you...whoops
I forgot I'm not wearing one...just my stripy PJ's
Cathy
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Amera,
I have read this over and over and over and each time it strikes me hard and makes me wish to cry
Amazing cinquain ... absolutely amazing
Stay safe
~Amanda
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Hi, sad and I am sorry you have cancer, a very touching write, I would have prefered no comments in authors box as for me a poem must speak for itself plus I do know the cinquain form,lol, good write, all the best in the comp, Di
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You're right
there are three different views to this poem
and it all depends on the mood
the beginning made me relate so much
that i felt like i was the one feeling it
when it came down to cancer
i was like .. wait a minute .. it isnt me
but then that just proves how close you came to my feelings
but i thought of the cloud as my problems and people standing in my way rather than pollution
NeveR ♥ -
Good luck and thank you for your entry.
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In so few words...
You have taken me on a trip of my own passions... the damage man does to this once pure earth... AND the damage man does to our society... and the fog that can come with the pain of illness (I watched my Mommy die of Cancer)... and... the beautiful haze that the pain medications can bring to a person who is dealing with that pain. You've taken the word Mist on a travel from one end of the spectrum...to the other... from negative...to positive.
Very good...
xoxo
Heidi
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touching
I hope you find peace and relief. My prayers will be with you. You did a good cinquain. Good luck in the contest. Pen on...
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Thank you
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what a lovely cloud that would be! That is a haze one might just ask for. Can U say DNR! Color me a no code!
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lol, at least DNI... do not intubate
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Excellent! Your mastery of form is continuous and impressive. Your metaphor is breathtaking. Three bunnies for you!
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aww... you'd say that about my shopping list; you're madly in love with me. Well I love you too.
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I confess... you are right... what gave it away? I should not read your poetry late at night. As I read this again today, it means something different. It is even better than I thought.
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Wow, this was beautiful! You're a master at all these different types of poetry!!! Good luck in the contest!
Cassie
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thank you
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hmmm...thoughtful
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thank you
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Wow I really like this...I never thought that a poem could be so short with so few words..but yet again explain so much..hurt..pain..emotion..fears..everything..wow..wonderful job...<3 becca
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Lovely comment, thank you.
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This was totally captivating..The fog can hide so much pain, despair and the tears. Well written my friend.
Soulful Woman
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Thank you so much for your kind words and insightful comment.
Amera
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So much contained in your piercing words. Lost I feel in your coattails, wondering why I cant just sit here and ride. Let me see your mind just to catch a glimpse
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(perking a brow) That’s such a nice thing to say, thank you.
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Simple Beauty...
This is a very heart felt poem "mist" "cloud" "fogs" "masking" "haze" - all powerful words - regarding masking pain... Oh princess wonderful!!!
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thank you reuben
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