Shards of then invade the now:
They writhe, plummet, and shriek
Shaking and quaking my world asunder
As I awaken from my sleep.
Palpable, oozing slime of time
Leaves shrapnel in my bed
So that when daymare spars with nightdream
Each cuddle monster's pushed to light.
What’s to come has always passed-
A past I can’t regain.
Yet in my dreams the past won’t pass
I live through it all once more.
My skin is blemishless, untattered,
Though with lesions, gashes, raw-torn fists
I would never doubt this parallel
It would be plain that it exists.
Sunlit shadows measure out the discordance-
Star-dotted skies seen from moon-lit window panes-
A whisper from the dusty books, those babbling books,
Cold sheets wrapped tight in the lonely-hearted night.
It’s a wonder, when each day looks the same,
That each night moves to claim we’ve changed.
A contest entry
- Black and white....................... by Starswhispers.
500 points, ended February 15, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I had a quick read I like it, but I am struggling a little because you capitalise all begining of lines and do not use any punctuation. I wish you could revise this. As well the 3rd stanzas as words similarities wich sound slightly off plaese have some thought about it. Like in "the past won't past" and you used the word past earlier in the same stanza.
Except for this it is a good poem.
Thank you for entering I will read all poems 3 times and always at least once after the contest has closed.
You can revised anytime before this I will notice it and judge accordingly.
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thanks for the advice, my favorite part of the creative process is revision. I feel I need to be a little stuburn with the third stanza, though. It's the repetition and the world play of this stanza that inspired the poem originaly. I do need to work on experimenting with punctuation, mix it up a bit.
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I have seen you have made some revisions with the puctuation even if you have kept the capitalisation for every begining of line, it does not mixe up your poem so this is fine. The third stanza you can feel stuborn with it
, it is your poem my favorite however which I found so beutifully written and powerful are the 1st 2nd and 5th one. It is a very good piece overall.
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AGP did I ever tell you how much I absolutely love your poetry and how much I hate you 'cause you can write it? I think I might have mentioned it once or twice but I'm saying it once again. This is amazing and I am so jealous. Your choice of words...sigh...wonderful. Yes, yes, I think I just might hate you.
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