Tonight I battled a blind swordsman
he foreshadows and knows my every move;
as my mind franticly tries to comprehend the impossible
He has turned my sight into a hazardous liability.
There is no prediction in his movements
only swift deadly accuracy;
swaying blood stained katana
glistening with the dramatics of the moonlight.
His sword defying both Buddha and Lord God,
I fight back, praying I am not his next sin.
A contest entry
- Ready, set, go! by Lavender Butterfly.
400 points, ended February 13, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party by DancingRed.
300 points, ended September 21, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Everything! by Uncle Haku.
1400 points, ended March 10, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a premise that is not often used, which I always enjoy, but the quality of the writing itself is not particularly extraordinary. Don't get me wrong, it's a good poem, but I think a little editing would go a long way.
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mmm, this reminds me of House Of Flying Daggers, which is a good thing.
I like your strong imagery -
'dramatics of the moonlight'
'defying both Buddha and Lord God'
and the way your words tell a story as well as painting a scene.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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Excellent. great words to go with the picture.
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Musashi would enjoy the sentiment, I think.
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This is so incredibly creative and thought provoking. Great metaphor and fabulous imagery. Thanks for sharing and good luck in my contest... x Butterfly.
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Hot! I liked this one. Like how incorporated this from something you liked outside of poetry. Hope you do well in the contest. - cgirl0410
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Hot! I liked this one. Like how incorporated this from something you liked outside of poetry. Hope you do well in the contest. - cgirl0410
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the japanese-influence......an interesting development.
nice write. the apprehension is a nice touch.
as usual.........splendid write. -
Excellent
This is fantastic, Street Alchemist. In ten short lines you have managed to produce a mini-epic. Your poem reminds me of a Rutger Hauer movie (the title escapes me)in which he plays a blind warrior.
Bill
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WOWiE WOW WOW WOW
This was awesome. You were able to make it sound like a man of times past was telling his leader of a massacre that he had been involved in. This was an excellent write. I applaud it!
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YEAH! man this rocks! I love manga, The chi focussed, the lines swift and battle worthy, and every wisdom of the martial arts especially with 'he has turned my sight into a hazardous liability,' a joy for where sharpness in sense, speed and accuracy form the basis of fighting spirit, as so turning the opposing force against itself and so as wise as budda and as powerful as god your words I applaud with the graciousness of a zenful spirit,
well done on a great write
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