In the crimson of this flower,
I’ve found twilight in my lungs.
Soft petals press against my lips,
The light feeling of velvet almost a disease.
If life was like kissing a rose,
Would kissing you be like life?
I’ve already substituted the
Color of your eyes for air.
Because you and the shattered sky
Are all I need,
You’ve wrapped my fluttering heart
With a patchwork string.
And now I am yours,
In love with the rain and every breath you take.
Author notes
Written for a very amazing person. I wanted to create a special poem, but I am sure this could do with a lot of work before being special.
(As a side note, please do not steal for any use other than personal)
Please give me constructive criticism!
Comments
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Well, it's hard to give much criticism, because I happen to think this is a beautifully romantic poem.
If I had to nitpick at one thing, I would say that I felt a little awkwardness in the lines, "if life was like kissing a rose, would kissing you be like life?". I like the concept, but I just felt like it was awkward to have a question in there when the rest of the poem seems so certain about this feeling.
I don't know, maybe it's just me. hehe.
I really do think this is great. I love the line "I've already substituted the color of your eyes for air". It's a great expression of how someone can come to mean so much to you.
I think that the person you wrote this for will be very flattered. Nicely done!
(P.S. Nice to see you posting again!)
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