As I lay here in your arms
I can feel your love
and I am so glad that you are my MUM
Your touch is so gentle
your smile divine
your kisses and hugs so sweet
You never seem too tired
to take care of me despite my demands
nappies, baths, feeds
The beat of your heart
gives me a sense of comfort
as I lay here and fall asleep
It is so comfortable
in your arms
I love you Mummy
As you lay in my arms
I can't express all the love
I feel for you and I am glad that I have YOU
You feel so soft
you have a cute smile
and I love your sloppy kisses
Sleep well my precious one
I love caring for you
and our cuddles
Your heartbeat is music to my ears
and the peaceful sound of your breathing
as you lay in my arms asleep
You are my pride and joy
sleep on darling
Mummy and Daddy both love you
Author notes
Please do not use my name in comments as it is anonymous contest. I wrote the first half of poem from babies view and second half from mothers view showing how intuned their thoughts are because of their unique bond
In a list
A contest entry
- Mother's Face, Baby's Face, Words in Between by PetrifiedAfforded.
1050 points, ended March 5, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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final questions
Hello, hi identity coming up tommorow...
Briefest re-review, just to see if the relationship for portrayal could be lax in lines 3 and 15 where declaration is not too concerned with the capitalization when with a possesive relation or whether a comma should be to pause a statement emphasized to be directed like a blink before a spoken to name... as I believed was needed enough to mention before -- but are we at different assumptions
?
I suppose the arms can be the one word that becomes the theme for understanding to set in this piece, so various forms of it might be having that concept somewhat botched at the bigger bigger picture of who is talied to... so therefore my request to not have straight repeats are not cooperated with by the weight of that worry. I'll look at what you make or leave important on March 4th's evening when I need to finish this.
One more wonder, do you have technical difficulties in getting a floral background up?
I'm sorry if I've jumbled the movement for judging, but the compliment is still for caring to write on this.
9:36 enjoy the day before the contest ends,
Carolyn
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How to hang around
Greetings with thanks for entering my contest, though I wonder if you too couldn't get FLORAL backgrounds to work for that cooperation. This one used is still reflecting a participant for straight facts to add poetry to! But if it weren't the default selection, it's by chance to OK each one and I tried to not make that process that decoy.
Alrighty, on to the writing I'm glad you felt welcome to do.
"Mother and baby Thoughts" is a turn of settlement's ease said by tactility that doesn't make a caring interaction too ticklish but thankful. I presume "intuned" summarization of this is for awareness between the two not necessarily monotonous but before speech sometimes with spatial relations of "As I lay here in your arms" of 'my mum' versus just a mattress for most times because human touch that matters matters! It sets up a thrivingness which then can go on to singing etcetera.
So, hands on this shows not just an observation, and I guess why feelings aren't put into rhyme when it the essence and not statement of applet picture about two people so to speak including a baby. It is not spilled with lines with breaks that don't represent anything spat can't do it but what might culminates from the right amount of calmness!
Tight isn't just the swaddled effect, since "feel your love" is indicated which is pertinent and not just playing for it to be sensed through sense. However, a poet could be a registrar of what is signifying that young student's acquisition of what wonder to wonder at. Perhaps a kunik type of thing on top of the foundation, anticipated as the bow on the package of being held... the extra attention to details of not merely being a 'blob' (as culturally related once in a while) but developing to even know specifics from surroundings also, zooming past neighbors words to home pleasures that are just on a course of course.
The shift from being carried to "your touch is so gentle" is not for shiftiness but softness commensurate with strength. The next line I think oversteps our expression as intuitive when we have to go back to 'God is love' to have the lines of welcome really even. Subsequent to this then, "your kisses and hugs so sweet" are not what can't be enough. So prior to that, might "divine" as is for the parable be 'gladly humbled' or something to not have hyperbole of how high our ways are and yet could be by nature? It is not all automatic with us is how I see it.
Maternal elements of hardihood were neatly alluded to "despite" mundane "demands" while energy can literally be for work as some definitions still point out! Syncronizations make it special, like the "feed" that can be simple as breastfeeding, even up to two years exclusively since lactase drops from then on with a natural need for other things than lactose to break dowen when new enzymes and abilities of the bigger body are for it to be ready. And the "baths" can be less frequently needed as a result of no infant perspiration nor shampoo grime. But we don't have to be between shadow and mud always, but steer to sunshine bathing too with this valet of health for the child! It's mutual benefit aside from mood boost because the glint on skin can look like that on a blade and it is a tool to help lose weight if that is deemed at contact -- hormonal machete or maintenance! Even "nappies" can be modified to a nap by pronto potty training; I recently learned one of the extra cries is for clean release and cluing one another can be done for receptacles, please, from the start, so the easiest. [Somewhat like long ago, but I can't be addicted to want to do it right for smooth rearing, without limits for acknowledgement for now.]
There was no counterproductive comfort, if the youth can know the heartbeat that should be a 'teddybear' too. So, the "comfort" is not startled with a move as to be laid down always when slumbering with infant narcolepsy almost but undisturbed "as I lay here and fall asleep. It is the way I remember long hauls of that ilk of eyelids in the snuggly that were good for both of us in more ways than just close monitoring.
The concluding expression of the little one bonding is graspable by reaction, but I would like to see a synonym for how "comfortable" was meant since that root word was already used. And the experience could be stretched with "arms" being now phrased by another emphasis.
And just mionor things : Mum is not capitalized when preceeded by my, I believe. And an addressing comma needs to be in "I love you Mummy"
The two halves of this story got to now being found complete with the mother uniquely as an adult even finding it effable a bit "I can't express all the love" though I still wish "arms" to be not just said again but with some adjective to increase the understanding or a thesauraus choice that would keep the thesis in an uncomplicated way befitting the piece. Etmologies further open the world too!
{I know someone may be thinking, it's just a simple 'lil baby poem, what are you writin' and writin' and writin' for... but it's one of my favorite topics and right before I get off AP so, no, don't go waa waa too much or even feel a waste of time if brains can associate for a sec!}
Your second stanza in this section does conduct a stare that would induct announcements of where attractions are rewarded for neither feeling on guard with the guardianship.. The narration not being only over children was truly felt at "and I love your sloppy kisses" blatantly told. Although my neices gave older ones, this implies to me even those tiny fingers reaching for you to not just blow a kiss!
I think you brought out well what isn't to be missed out among family members either, where some intimacy is not taking for granted vulnerability, tenderly looked at by us even with some blissfulness :
"and the peaceful sound of your breathing"
so the aftermath music from daily living lullaby maybe!
The 18 hours of rest that may be required in the beginning makes the ending important that such times are not for boredom. Soundness of mind does not ignore the aestheitics of this togetherness too. To not have the child left out of filtering "Mummy and Daddy both love you" around dreams like major developments in the womb but now by decision to be tied so to speak without knots for when letting go. Thus, the task of not just having an addition to the population but "You are my pride and joy" with shop being not just home but research for sonsideration that doesn't have the same time-card for this product.
Happily, I'll look for any further author notes if you would prefer replying to me besides the few touch ups on what otherwise gave me basis for splendid thinking by concept of enrichment to hang expressions of a parental relationship on. I hope I'm not wearing you out getting ready for one last look.
6:24 evening not just for edits,
Carolyn -
Tender
Beautifully penned with tenderness rippling in each line as I read
Your flow was effortless and peaceful adding to the absorbtion of your message, just beautiful! Good luck in the contest ~Tia
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