kaleidescope visions
of a changing presence -
scheming what has deceased
to prepare for the wrong
tragic immortals
cry for the sake of death -
only to inherit
the lasting of a broken soul
tangled needles
in a dense field of pain -
destroyed the last presence
of a delicate, sacred being
views of ghostly desires
seep inside the skin -
to merge within the eyes
of a victim of innocence
Author notes
..::Something I wanted to try out. It's not my best I think but it's worth a shot::..
(( Used the Following for the write: Title~Within The Eyes Words~Tragic, Dense, Destroyed, Ghostly, Desire, Merge ))
A contest entry
- ♥Wordbank and titles contest♥ by OurxBeginning.
500 points, ended March 25, 2007, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's? (IV) by PatheticKt.
300 points, ended August 14, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I don't like it...what do you think??
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ok, great write and definitely love the persona's perception on a world that's dying; the way you've described terror was devastating- beautiful
Not much to say here but if there were more lines added her, this write will make it powerful for the reader to delve into the point of view of the persona, you know? ^^
Great write yet again with simple words being used into a complex theme ~ -
if this is something you just tried out it's really good
filled with imagery and beautiful words
tangled needles
in a dense field of pain -
---
those are my favourite lines in this piece
goodluck in the contest
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Short and to the point. It's filled with emotion and imagery. I think it is a little bit vague though in some areas. Otherwise, you used the title and words well. Thanks for entering and good luck. ~
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this was a great poem..the title you choose and the poem you created with it was absolutely great..your a very talented author keep writitng and good luck in our contest
XTashaX -
Good write..short but sweet..your words were powerful and created great imagery! You are talented keep writting your great at it! Thanks for entering our contest and good luck.
~Chrissy~ -
Cool..
I do like it. One thing you might want to do, is make your lines longer. Give more indepth descriptions. That's the only thing I would say to your write. Other than that, It's great. Good luck in the contest. Kassie.
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