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you are

Missing image

you are

I smile as I breathe you in
filling me with your love
soft touch caresses my flesh
send chills to my soul

filling me with your love
silence is pleasing
roar can be deafening
forgetting your power

soft touch caresses my flesh
stillness and affection
taking you for granted
always there

send chills to my soul
close my eyes
my chest rises
you are the wind

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • waydownuponjoy
    October 26

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    Well now ...

    I came to view this form and was immediately questioning why there were not 8 syllables in each line as your author notes indicated?

    "Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables."

    Of course I was not giving much attention to content so I went back to reread your poetical thoughts so I could be fair with my assessment of them.

    Some nicely shared thoughts breezed in and I could appreciate their soft touch.

    joy


    • Amera gold member
      October 26
      Edit | Reply
      You are so right; I should have said "modified retourne". I'm such a slave to form!

  • Eulb kcalB
    February 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    such beauty...I am touched


  • mysticstorm gold member
    February 12, 2007
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    Simply breathtaking!


  • blueyez
    February 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it! You are very sensual in your writing!


  • Pure Thought silver member
    February 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very nice flow...

    supports your feelings of love. All in all an excellent poem.
    Thanks for sharing, Buddy

  • shooting star533
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First of all I absolutely loved this picture. Second, the poem was beautiful and I like how you stayed with that form of poem. Very creative and beautiful. Keep it up!!
    Molly
    *~


  • February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning The Senses!

    The sweet aroma of love is very intoxicating. The beginning of the retourne establishes this fact. When we smell (sense 1) we cannot help but smile, “filling me” (very descriptive and erotic) well done. “soft touch (sense 2) caresses my flesh” these words bring the reader into the poem and you “feel it” to the core of your soul. The second stanza is about (sound… ie. hearing (sense 3)) using words like “silence”, “roar” and “deafening” very moving. The third stanza there is a turn “taking you for granted” that is a fear I have too – I do not want to be taken for granted, love can be taken for granted. Sight (sense 4) is explored from the line “close my eyes” in the last stanza. All that you have left is taste which the whole poem does to the reader as we lick our lips. This poem is Stunning all the senses. Bravo!


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 11, 2007

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    Very well done..This truly is a form to master and you have mastered it well..Great job.
    Soulful Woman


  • Princess-Gloria
    February 11, 2007

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    Beautifully done
    Keep up the great writing
    I enjoyed it very much
    Thank you for sharing


  • PerVirtuous
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You describe a love beyond mortal flesh, transcending
    husband-wife, mother-child, and point your finger squarely at the divine. All the bunnies are levitating and swirling about with post-orgasmic faces. These three look especially sated.


  • Sacrificial Love
    February 11, 2007

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    Beautiful....

    I love this...
    so peaceful...
    ushers in serenity.

    Bravo sweet lady...

    xoxo
    Sahabah alMahgrebi

  • Tota
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this form, thank you for explaining its construction, perhaps I will use it sometime!
    Your poem is very mystical, and seems as though thought went into it. Great write


  • And Hyetal
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Gosh, I love the retourne!!! And you make it all so wonderful! I love this!!!

    Cassie

1 - 14 of 14