She lies awake, crying.
I can hear her.
The walls are thin in this house we share.
I touch her to show her I love her.
She is mine and only mine.
The look in her eyes,
Not fear, love. I tell her.
I tell myself.
Her skin, soft to the touch,
Her beautiful eyes like her mother's
Her lips like rosebuds,
I kiss her again and again.
She lies awake, clutching her teddy.
I can see her.
The door is ajar and I sit outside looking in.
I touch her to show her I love her.
She is mine and only mine.
The words from her lips,
Not stop, I love you. I tell her.
I tell myself.
Her hair, yellow like sunshine,
Her beautiful fingertips,
Her perfect toes.
I touch every inch.
Breathe in deep, I hear her sob.
I listen and close my eyes.
My heart beating in time to hers.
I touch her to show her I love her.
I touch her to show her I love her.
Author notes
..From the perspective of the abuser. The father.
A contest entry
- Abuse: Many Types, Many Options, Many Results by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 20, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Oh, this is heartbreaking. Although I loved the poem and how you gave a sick kind of reason or excuse to this travesty, I also felt it made the perpetrator too human. In any case, you have a beautiful talent.
Write on!
~*~SP~*~
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this is amazing. very original and effective choice of perspective, extremely well written. it starts gently, tender care... the first few lines evoked a sister, the instinct to comfort for me
"She lies awake, crying.
I can hear her.
The walls are thin in this house we share.
I touch her to show her I love her."
but as the poem progresses it quickly becomes clear that something much more sinister going on, that he is the assauler rather than the comforter.
somehow you manage to get into his mind, the almost desperate repetition of
"I touch her to show her I love her.
I touch her to show her I love her."
a mantra, trying to decieve himself, trying to lose himself in her sunshine hair and mother's eyes and a conviction that this is love. and at the same time you weave in little details
"She lies awake, clutching her teddy.
I can see her.
The door is ajar and I sit outside looking in."
that remind us that its not.
this is an incredible, powerful piece. the descriptions of the girl are perhaps a bit typical,
"Her lips like rosebuds"
"Her hair, yellow like sunshine"
but perhaps thats fitting, demonstrating that the father doesn't see her as a child, as an individual. in any case, you have done an amazing job here. -
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Thank you.
Everything in my poetry is there for a reason.
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This though written with grace and elegance is heart breaking. The imagery of this little girl laying on the bed in tears knowing what is to come saddens my heart for so much truth are within the words. excellent write of truth in a passionate tone.
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Thank you very much
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I find it interesting that you write an awareness of the abuse by the abuser into the text...that gives a truer face to the evil. Loved it and hated him...truly emotive in a visceral way...very fine writing...Peace, Rhonda
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Definitly felt this one.
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wow...this just slapped me across the face...i'm rendered speechless..."I touch her to show her I love her.
She is mine and only mine.
The words from her lips,
Not stop, I love you. I tell her.
I tell myself." this made me feel the child's pain...you are brilliant.
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Thank you so much.
And can I just say that you are beautiful, and a truly magnificent writer.
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it hits you hard, like nothing else doesn't it...
i can't believe some people would actually do this to there kids... it's horrible, and so weird and ehehh...
makes me want to strangle these people.
Beautifully wrote though and well done for putting yourself in their shoes, it's really hard, I know. *love*
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wow..
you did an exquisite job with this piece..a very unique point of view, not one i've ever seen put in writing before. sick & twisted but definitely original, i really enjoyed reading this..i'm adding you to my favorites
-lys
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wow, this hit too close to home for me.. its wrenching and very hard to read.. how can you write about something so grotesque, and make the words flow together so smoothly?
eh, sigh- good work definitely- -
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Thank you. I don't really know what to say, I wrote this in about five minutes, typing away. I am glad you like it. I am flattered.
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original, stunning and very very wonderful, besides even
I touch her to show her I love her.
She is mine and only mine.
The words from her lips,
Not stop, I love you. I tell her.
I tell myself.
Her hair, yellow like sunshine,
Her beautiful fingertips,
Her perfect toes.
I touch every inch.
Breathe in deep, I hear her sob.
I listen and close my eyes.
My heart beating in time to hers.
I touch her to show her I love her.
I touch her to show her I love her.
this lovely gem of a poem, the most original one I have ever read on this topic, is put together skillfully and tightly. It moves along almost dreamily the way the man's mind is moving across the little girl in his head. This is more than fetishizing in his head, he is going to do it again. The poet accomplishes this with one simple line, and suddenly we know that the man is going to do it again and that this is no idle daydream the girl lies in bed crying, he sits in a chair preparing to do what the little girl is bracing herself to bear... the unutterable expression of hate cloaked of love, and she knows this and her little heart is breaking. This is so powerful, i am in tears. you roc, poet. ,,,Danni
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Very nice,
Best of luck.
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