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Whore

Missing image

Tears fall from sightless eyes,

and sympathy is passed around

                 like just another two dollar

                                 whore...

 

Chipped polish,

                cracked lips,

                              and lying eyes...

 

Say "I love you" once again

            You know she long ago discovered

just how

              little those words can mean.

 

Soft hands,

softer words,

and those beautiful...

                                tragic...

                                         dead eyes.

 

     She'll smile that perfect smile

     while you whisper vile endearments

     into over-used skin

     and under-loved bone...

 

She'll scream for you,

she'll cry for you,

but at the end of it all

you'll be

         just another two dollar

                      whore.

Author notes

Option Two
Friday
Goodluck ^_^

In a list

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Naridill
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    Sealed


    ♥♥♥♥ <---- two for the whore.


  • frecklez
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was wonderful. It's cold, but honest, and really digs into relationhips and all the problems therein.


  • angelcalled666
    February 2

    Edit | Reply

    damm

    it really makes me think about the hardships people go through.. I mean. wow. This paints such a vivid picture and it really makes my heart hurt. Beautifully written. Love it much <3
    Sarah xxx


  • Nikkisixxx
    December 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That was really well written and really true! I love this poem.

  • SatieScully
    August 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was awesome. I absolutely loved it. =]
  • crimson rivers
    July 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    perfect.

    I don;t know what to say. you know when you read something and it sums up everyhting you are thinking/feeling, and it stays with you forever. this is one of those things. it's raw, its honest, its harsh. it's like this majorly disastorus girl, that you can still find some beauty in, still find some life, even if she seems like nothing, there is still something there. i don;t know this just f***ing blew me away. well done.


    • Friday gold member
      July 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you so much darlin.
      I noticed your authors page says you're from the lovely australia, cold as it is at the moment haha. Where abouts are you from?

  • Heartbeatsxfading
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is wonderful. I love the lines
    "Chipped polish,

    cracked lips,

    and lying eyes...



    Say "I love you" once again

    You know she long ago discovered

    just how

    little those words can mean.



    Soft hands,

    softer words,

    and those beautiful...

    tragic...

    dead eyes."

    They make the reader really feel worthless, cheap, and unloved. Amazing.
    Good luck. Though I'm pretty sure you won't need it!!
    ♥ Surrender ♥

  • sparkle.star
    June 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome good luck

  • Midnight-x-Rose gold member
    June 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I found this very sad, but realistic. I like the icon you used with this write as well and the choice of font. Strong words with strong meaning behind them, describing an outsiders view very well. I just loved the phrase itself and I especially liked the last stanza. It hits you hard in the face, makes you upset or angry... But it makes you feel something for her, or as if you are her.
    ♥

    • Friday gold member
      June 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much darling, and thank you for the bronze it's much appreciated. I actually made the icon myself ^_^ Photoshop is so much fun XD

  • BlackWidow43 silver member
    March 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very sad.... i liked it. well written


  • Dead Star--x
    March 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like it two dollar whore makes you feel cheap and worthless and good for nothingbut sex.. in other words i like this because i feel like that so thanx for entering & good luck!
    *Abused *

  • Tirrell
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    crisp fresh and tragic. I love the imagry and combination of metaphor and images you have blended to weave a powerfull cocktail of the tragic. Very nice indeed. Impresive control of my imagination you have spawned here very nice job with this write, tragic-beautiful.

    . Rewarded 4

  • Piccola gold member
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very discriptive...good use of vocabulary and I don't know why, but I like the way you use the word 'another'
    ...it shows that whover it is will be just one among many and not even a special whore..
  • PalmettoSky
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow amazing poem... how it makes the heart bleed... This is such a dramatic poem. Vivied imagery and strong emotions makes this poem stand out. A real attention grabber that makes one stop and think. Well done dear poet. Well written indeed! I very much like the way that you wrote it the way it portrays life. It's very well structured; most people, (including me) can't break poetry up very well. I guess it depends on mood, for me. You have considerable talent at putting deep emotion into words.

  • grannyeri gold member
    February 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Liked the use of space you have in this poem - the indents and the larger style front as well. Did find the she and you confusing at times. Enjoyed the read and thought this fit well into the challenge of the contest.

  • Mystikrypton
    February 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting piece you have written here. I suppose this deals with...consequences? Or anything really. It's unique. The first thing that caught me about this piece was the title, and it's good to see people not afraid of words like that. I like that; well done.

    As far as critiques go... I think, in the fourth stanza where you describe her eyes, you could take out one of the adjectives - either beautiful or lying, I would think, but it's up to you, of course.


    I thought these lines were brilliant:

    "while you whisper vile endearments
    into over-used skin
    and under-loved bone..."


    Great description in these lines:
    "Chipped polish,
    cracked lips,
    and lying eyes..."
    It really shows how cheap she is (although I know that sounds horrible).


    Overall, great piece. Thank you for entering it into this contest. Good luck to you.

    • Friday gold member
      February 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the critique, it was indeed supposed to be aimed at consequences.
      I was having a bit of trouble deciding if I wanted to keep all four adjectives in that part, but I didn't want to get rid of any of them at the same time because they each represent a part of her character. The one I was most tempted to get rid of was "dead" because I thought people might get the wrong impressing of what I was trying to put across.
      Anyway before I lauch into some massively long explanation (little too late ) thankyou for giving me food for thought and thankyou for running such a lovely contest.
  • Catressa gold member
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh damn.. I loved the anger I felt just dripping in this.. True emotion always shows..

    shew..

  • Son of Jim
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The darkness and foresaken feeling this poem holds as does the implications of the title are well portrayed throughout this poem. the narrator truly makes the reader want to sympathize with the character, but as the poem states, it's fake and overdone.
    The pronoun "she" in the last statement is throwing me though on perspective. Is it the same she, or is the original she the two dollar whore, or is my ignorance missing the "two dollar whore" inference?
    I loved reading it, and good luck
    Jim


    • Friday gold member
      February 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      The she is the same person all the way through, but the last statement is about the consequences of getting caught up in the whirlwind of someone like that. It's really rather confusing unless you're in my head XD
      Thankyou as always for a wonderful informative comment.
  • dustookie2
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your layout presents pauses which allow the reader to linger on the thought you have put forward a little longer to enhance the idea. This is so very sad but I have to wonder why the sexist 'she' ... I know so many male prostitues who work to feed their habits and hun like the female counterparts some will do anything....funny how the oldest profession in the world is the one most are quick to condemn without thinking of the benefits and the service this profession offers. Beautifully penned as you do but really sad.....ever wonder why or spare a thought behind the circumstances that these people put so little value on themselves. Good luck in the contest.

    . Rewarded 4


    • Friday gold member
      February 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      It is not a commonly known thing but some of my friends, both close and no so, have been prostitutes at one time or another. The "she" was chosen because I was thinking about someone in specific when I wrote it.
      It is interesting though, because talking to some they do not disreguard their self worth at all. To them it is simply a job, and one they are good at so it makes sense for them to be in that profession. I have learnt a lot from all of them, not only about cynicism but about life, and love, and all the things you would expect one in their profession to have given up on.
      But perhaps that is more information than you needed to know. Thankyou as always for a worthwhile comment with valuable insight into your thoughts on my poem.

  • Knocklegoggin
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like the way that you have presented this and i loved the line containing 'over used skin...under-loved bone' very nice. succinct and real.

    . Rewarded 4


  • PerfectImperfection
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very well portrayed piece. great use of imagery and well expressed feeling. dark, sad, angsty, and deep. indeed very creative and well written.

    . Rewarded 4

  • oldpoets
    February 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    I sense a little anger. ou have expressd well. Good write


  • gigbob18
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was such a good write
    this is really great and you are good at poems
    this is this is a relly good poem
    good job on this great poem

  • Raelin
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow a very in depth write with so many different levels. a very enjoyable read. Well done. Keep them coming and blessed be.

  • panegyric ink
    February 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    a very enjoyabe and amazing form you have brought forth with this!! Overaal, this is an incredible poem you have here!!! Actually, I read thru about 3 times over your thoughts here, and what a great read!!!

    . Rewarded 4

1 - 30 of 30