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Gone The Mighty Past (Sestina)

 

 

Master Wizard, of time long past

Gaze into the flowing water

Eyes, envision the one you seek

Spells long cast, now long since forgotten

Ball of crystal, forever silent

Your spirit soars, with the blowing wind

 

Magical creatures, among the wind

You now, memories of the past

The night skies, now ever silent

Time gone by, like oceans water

All your deeds, now long forgotten

Today, only stories left, for us to seek

 

Mystical Dragons, your eyes shall seek

Flying bravely, upon gentle wind

Battles fought, now legends not forgotten

Warriors all, you Dragons past

Your spirit free, to flow in life’s water

Gentle wings, and mighty screech, gone silent

 

Sound of clopping hoofs, beat silent

Enchanted one, we shall always seek

Wondrous reflection, cast upon the water

Galloping faster, than your ancestral wind

Legend of your golden horn, lost to the past

Your beauty remembered, never forgotten

 

Marvelous wonders these three forgotten

Great castle walls, eternally silent

Dragons, unicorns, and wizards lost in the past

Dreams now left, for you only to seek

Carried to you, on the tender blowing wind

Turned to dust, now carried by cascading water

 

These enchanted, lost to fire and water

Mystery always surrounds you, ne’er forgotten

Stories of wisdom and courage, blown by the wind

Nights and skies, are all too silent

Potions and spells, you would-be wizards seek

Again these three, lay forever in the past

 

Waves of the water, now too are silent

Now three forgotten, we shall always seek

Whisper to the wind, gone the mighty past

 

 

 

Author notes

This is my first attempt at this form.

Sestina:
A fixed form consisting of six 6-line (usually unrhymed) stanzas in which the end words of the first stanza recur as end words of the following five stanzas in a successively rotating order and as the middle and end words of each of the lines of a concluding envoi in the form of a tercet. The usual ending word order for a sestina is as follows:
First stanza, 1- 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6
Second stanza, 6 - 1 - 5 - 2 - 4 - 3
Third stanza, 3 - 6 - 4 - 1 - 2 - 5
Fourth stanza, 5 - 3 - 2 - 6 - 1 - 4
Fifth stanza, 4 - 5 - 1 - 3 - 6 - 2
Sixth stanza, 2 - 4 - 6 - 5 - 3 - 1
Concluding tercet:
middle of first line - 2, end of first line - 5
middle of second line - 4, end of second line - 3
middle if third line - 6, end of third line - 1

OPTION #1

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • raggyann
    December 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i dont know about
    stanzas but i do know that i realy loved this poem
    it was so well writen
    sad that they are now only ancient past
    dreams
    great poem


    • freespirit51
      December 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      raggyann

      Thanks again. i thought you would enjoy this one. I enjoy writing a piece that is both challenging and meaningful.


  • th3sl4y3r
    May 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome, I like good form poetry, and I love fantasy.. I don't really know this form well but I followed it well... great wording, flow, rhythm and wording to this peice.. and great imagery.. well done!!!
    thank you for entering my contest and good luck..
    peace and light always..

  • piccola silver member
    March 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was great and I'm glad you explained the form to me in your author notes. The presentation was beautiful also. Thanks a lot for the time and entry.


  • joyya
    February 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm still learning the sestina. Have not attemted one yet. Loved the visual of ths poem It was lovely. Better than my first attemt. It sits in the garbage.


  • Lady-Pegasus
    February 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your contest submission. I love fantasy and you did pretty good, especially for a first attempt at an oft-challenging form. The form is fine, if just the tiniest bit bumpy in places, but I do believe with a touch of polishing this could truly shine!! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Peg


  • Ontarah
    February 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love the sestina and fantasy poems as well. You have certainly written a magical, mystical write. It maeks me want to go read Narnaia or LoTR. Well written.


  • Sad Ninja Of Speed
    February 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    This poem is great. It really describes the picture to me. You went much farther then describing the picture though.

    These two lines were my favorite:
    "The night skies, now ever silent

    Time gone by, like oceans water"
    It's elegance


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    February 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very GOOD

    This poem is filled with such magic and wonder,you can just get lost in it if you want to...A true work of art are might I say magic of art


  • purpledragonfly
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    FANTASTIC JOB

    This form is such a challenge.... and you mastered it to a T.... I have tried it before and usually end up fed up and frustrated... This picture and background is also so wonderful for the whole feel and image of the write. You did great!!!! Wonderful luck to you in the contest and thank you for sharing with me.
    Dragonfly


  • ImmaculateDesire
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You rock!! Such a difficult form and you have mastered it. I am so amazed. Good luck in the contest. This is a winner, no doubt. Thanks for sharing it with me. I love the background and the picture. The whole presentation is perfect. Bravo, my friend!!


  • ShaShay
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    You did a great job especially for your first attempt. You carried the form well and made it an interesting read. Be proud and Pen On...


  • juffle1111
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    very nice. I am always amazed to see how writers are able to write in such a complicated form. And to some it may ynot be, but to me it seems that way. so , WOW! And on top of that you wrote just a beautiful story out. just very enjoyable to read. good luck in the contest.

    regards,

    brian


    Oh, and the imagry was just so elegant and beautiful.


  • Spiritvision angel
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am not great with all the different forms but, after reading this I will say that this is excellent! I could see all the great imagery you gave to us in this exciting work of art!! Outstanding!1


  • Shadows of wolves
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Marvelous wonders these three forgotten

    Great castle walls, eternally silent

    Dragons, unicorns, and wizards lost in the past

    Dreams now left, for you only to seek

    Carried to you, on the tender blowing wind

    Turned to dust, now carried by cascading water"

    Whisk me away in the enchantment of your wonderful words. I am so fglad I read this as it made me escape reality for at least a moment.

    Shadows


  • Goddess of illusion
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You used a very strong first line, that gripped my attention Immediately...

    You are truly talented to keep my attention, dear poet, there is a few lines that I liked,

    'The night skies, now ever silent'

    'Great castle walls, eternally silent'

    'Dreams now left, for you only to seek
    Carried to you, on the tender blowing wind'


    'Whisper to the wind, gone the mighty past '

    You took me into this mystical world, and I enjoyed the journey...

    And for your first attempt, I think it was brilliantly done...

    Keep that pen flowing with ink that never fade...

    Elmarie


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it is always an experience when we read your work, our eyes are always opened with your words of beauty, and our minds knowledged by your wisdom. you have not failed with this piece either, not only do you show and tell a great story, but you teach us a form, some have never seen or tried. the words 'thank you for sharing' pail into comparison with a write like this. you deserve your forthcoming reward.

  • Bob 42 silver member
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    I only noticed one typo,stanza 3-line 2. I believe gentle would fit better than gently. Stanza 4-line 1
    'Sounds of clopping hooves beat silent' would be more accurate; hands clap while hooves clop, hooves being the plural of hoof. This is well worth the effort good job.

  • AstralWolf
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    While i can't comment on form, i must say that the overall piece is visually exciting and full of an energy all its own... I like the topic matter and feel that you've done a wonderful job with it, utlilizing a challenging written form.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    February 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I will not comment on the form, because I am not an expert in the sestina, but I do appreciate this poem. I like the way you have a caesura in each line, although it is irregularly placed - that device gives the whole poem a rhetorical feeling to it, although I am worried that the commas to signify the caesurae are the only punctuation in the poem. If the latter is deliberately done, fair enough, but it is a risky business mixing punctuated and unpunctuated. Not easy to pull off.

    I am looking at the word "clapping" to describe the sound of hooves and I am wondering if it convinces me. "Clip-clopping" for a walk, and "clattering" for galloping iron-shod on cobbles... hmmm...

    You definitely have something here - best of luck in the contest.

1 - 20 of 20