iPod on
random mode
feet shuffle
In a list
A contest entry
- TAKE A BREAK FROM NATURE! - Haiku-Senryu Contest by sandgoddess.
600 points, ended April 1, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I like the pun here. it is interesting you don't usually see that in senryus. i like how simple it is also. good job and good luck in the contest!
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Good Job
I like it. I'm not much for haikus but for a haiku i thought you fit a lot of meaning into a few lines.
Remember tell it "From The Heart"
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iPod on
random mode
feet shuffle
Bang up to date with theme and bang up to date with haiku style. Conveys the music shuffling between tracks in random mode and the effect of the music on the writer.
Nice one
Alan
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I really liked this haiku it was very neet good luck in the contest
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thanx
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iPod
random mode
feet shuffle
Author notes
Previous version(s)
iPod
shuffle mode is on
random songs are playing
This is truly a nice haiku. I like the minimalism and the juxtaposition of ‘random’ and ‘shuffle’ . You have done well in your revision, and the overall image is clearly evoked. Myron does have a point though – it has too many breaks in syntax, although it adds rhythm, LOL.
Good luck,
rachel
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this is cute!
and I give you kudos...
I CANNOT do haiku at all
good job!
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concise
it's lovely to see such a small and concise haiku. i like the images in it and it's modern subject matter.
i'm not sure it conforms to the rule of only having one break in the flow of language. this one has breaks at the end of the first line and the end of the second line. you can rectify this if you wish by making sure line 2 flows smoothly into line 3.
best wishes,
myron. -
Fantastic haiku- contemporary and relevent to today. I think you did really well. I love the revision. It works.
Says such a lot in a few words.
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i'm sure you do love it. the revised version was your idea. I can't write a freakin' haiku to save my life, but I'll keep on tryin'.
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Welcome to our contest and thank you for your entry, we will comment on it shortly.
good luck,
rachel
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