She gazed upon the blazing embers
buried in the fireplace
Skimming the piece of paper once more
she started to cry and wiped her face
She knew he'd be gone forever
away across the sea
She chucked the letter in the fire
"He wants to be away from me"
Everyone else she loved had left
she thought it was her fault
"What is wrong with me?" she screamed
and tore open her own heart
The flame turned as red as blood
feeding on her pain
Her screams were heard throughout the land
and fire consumed the day
Author notes
First off, is the title supposed to have a hyphen in it or not? Is it supposed to be "Blood-Red Embers"? I don't know. *shrugs*
Anyway, this is in no way personal to me. It was recently derived from a small snippet of a story I had written on the bus a while ago. I was sitting in advisory and couldn't think of a good subject to write a poem on, and I wanted it to have a story and I wanted it to rhyme (I also said this about a week later to myself and wrote another poem, but I'll post that later), but I couldn't think of anything good. I remembered the snippet, and after much thought and many scribbling out of words, this is what I came up with.
If anyone wants to read the original story-snippet-thing, then tell me and I might post it.
A contest entry
- Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I rather like the story and the fire imagery and all... but why is it that people seem to think nobody will notice if they just ditch rhyming halfway through? The first two stanzas were good! I don't know why you gave up on it... For some reason I thought this had a bit of a medieval vibe to it (maybe just because of the mention of a letter), but I realized after it probably could have taken place whenever. I think you can totally rework this piece and make it flawless in no time at all.
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But I didn't ditch the rhyming... The rhyming in the last two stanzas isn't perfect, I know, but a lot of rhyming that I have read isn't exactly perfect... But uh, thank you for the comment!
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Very nice story well penned and with a modicum of fuss and bother! The emotions flowed quickly and the story well and completely told and both were a fascinating compliment. Oh and yes, most certainly post the prose of this would be neat to read. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN HOODWINKED
; Courtesy of the Poetic Bandits
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wow, this wwas really good. i dont really know what else to say about it, but it was goo
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